There’s so many things
You cannot see
When all you do
Is look at me.
There’s so many things
There’s so many things
You cannot see
When all you do
Is look at me.
Ladies, are you tired of being cheated on every month? Want a boyfriend who doesn’t act like a chauvinist or put you down in front of his friends? Fed up with guys who think his sports team is more important than his relationship with you? Fear not, I have a solution.
Date a nerd/geek/gamer.
Why? Well, because while the majority of them may not be muscle-bound, pretty-boy “hunks” (if you’re even into that sort of thing), they have a cornucopia of great traits that make them more than worthy boyfriend material. Check it out:
As my American audience (and some of my other followers) know, Thanksgiving is on Thursday this week. Regardless of whether you celebrate it or not, I hope every one of my fellow bloggers has a wonderful day.
The very name, in my warped sense of humor, conjures up a memory of the Necronomicon rather than a social media site. Be that as it may, I do recognize that it has it’s uses. Some of the good functions of Facebook include:
Last week, I had a very telling conversation with the young lady who runs the tea shop by my workplace. She seemed upset, so naturally I asked her what was troubling her. This is the discussion that followed;
Most of my posts as of late have been very gender/sex oriented, and the next 3 will be as well. So this week, I’m going to mix it up, take a break from the gender-talk, and write about something else that’s close to my heart…Namely, the things people say to vegetarians in America. Enjoy!
There has always been much talk about dominance vs submissiveness. Whether it’s the interactions between a customer and a salesperson, an employee and their boss, or a professor and their students, there are many situations where society expects one to take on either a dominant or submissive role (however subtle it may be). Today, I’m going to talk about dominance and submission in regards to relationships, and male-female ones in particular. Hopefully it will rouse some good talking points, and get this subject out in the open away from Judeo-Christian lines.
What is submissive anyway?
Most dictionaries define it as ‘ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive’, or something similar. On the face of it, this doesn’t sound too bad. After all, children should submit to their parents in most cases…they are inexperienced and unlearned in life experiences and benefit from having parents to teach them right from wrong. An employee should submit to their employer in most cases…they are not as knowledgeable about the company and have different tasks to perform. Hopefully, the parents/employers in the majority of situations are good people who care about those who are ‘under’ them.
But what if the person in the authoritative position does not have the submissive’s best interests at heart? Parents can be abusive to their children. Employers can be cruel or mean-spirited to their employees. My own observations of relationships that were submissive follow this trend as well. From a comment I left on another blog;
“I recall times when adult women were told to shut up, interrupted in the middle of their sentences, told that the food they’d spent 5 hours making wasn’t good enough, being reprimanded for talking longer than 10 minutes on the phone. Women who had children in high school…but were forbidden from getting a part time job, or joining a local book club. Husbands who *always* had to be right, whether it was in the best interest of the family or not. One man even went so far as to order a meal for his wife that he knew she hated…because he thought that she should eat it anyway, like a naughty child who refuses a certain vegetable. So, no. Submissive to me brings to mind not a necessarily abusive life, but one where a woman’s opinions will be constantly shunned, her individual tastes will be forgotten, and she won’t be respected at all. I could never live like that.”
Now, I’ve been informed by Traditionalists that my examples above were perversions of what a authoritative/submissive relationship should be like. The vast majority of them (so I’m told), is a relationship where the husband is kind, loving, is always thinking of ways to support his family, and never degrades his wife. In fact, I have had both men and women tell me that my examples aren’t even indicative of a Traditionalist marriage…that these things I saw and heard should be put under a different name altogether.
To me, this smacks heavily of the “No True Scotsman” fallacy. Instead, I believe that these were authoritative/submissive marriages, but that they were taken to a horrible extreme. I personally don’t believe that when people talk of these types of relationships, that *this* is what they mean. However, they are the only ones I have personal experience seeing.
Is There Any Secular Reason For A Woman To Be Submissive?
Okay, I may lose some readers for saying this, but I believe there is.
For one, our hypothetical woman may be in a culture/society that would literally kill her if she wasn’t. Is this fair? Of course not! But it *is* a fact of reality in some areas of our world, and until change can happen, I’d say it is generally better to live than to die.
Secondly, she may actually be happy in a Captain/First Mate marriage. I know some of you are crying out “What? How could she be?!”, but hear me out. I haven’t met any in real life, but I have very good online sources that tell me there are at least some women who feel fulfilled and happy taking a submissive role in their relationship. Apparently, for many couples they are able to make it work the way it ‘should’. The wife is fully in charge of minor family decisions like daily shopping, what to make for dinner, when to feed/bathe the kids, how long they should be allowed to play videogames, and so on. The only difference between this type of marriage and an egalitarian one, that I can immediately see, is that on major decisions like whether to buy a new car, where to go on vacation, what the family budget needs to be, etc…the husband always has the final say.
From an intellectual standpoint, I can see that this would appeal to some women. As a careerist, I can definitely say that it would be easier if I could just leave all major household decisions up to someone else. If I didn’t have to work full-time (or at all), I would be able to do a LOT more community volunteering than I ever have time for now. My home would always remain utterly spotless and tidy, rather than how it looks a week after my one day off I get. Hey, when you work 10 hour shifts 6 days a week, sometimes the dishes pile up a bit…So yes, I see the benefit of being the First Mate rather than the Captain.
Does this mean I am rethinking my stance on singlehood? Nope, not at all. But I think it is good to understand and appreciate different ways of living, even if they’re not for me personally.
Can Men Be Submissive?
I’m unsure why this is even a question on some forums, but apparently in some circles it is considered taboo for a man to be happily submissive. This is incredibly sexist, and people who believe that men have no right to be the *supportive* rather than *supporting* spouse should check their prejudices. If we are willing to accept trait X for a woman, shouldn’t we be just as willing to accept that same trait in a man…*without* trying to dilute his masculinity?
I have only met 3 to date, but I do know some househusbands who are thrilled that their wife makes enough for them to stay home with their children. They are wonderful fathers who keep the home clean, bring their kids to school, help with homework, go to sporting events and school plays, and get to tuck their babies into bed every night. What typical father wouldn’t want to do that even ONE night a week, yet is unable to because of long hours at work? Maybe some people are uncomfortable with this idea, but think of it this way, especially if you are a male reader: Aren’t you tired of men being portrayed as incapable of changing a diaper, making a bag lunch, or being able to cuddle with their newborn infant? Seriously, just think about where your prejudices are coming from before you actively mock men who take a submissive role, and find pleasure in doing so.
What Can We Take From This?
Honestly, all I’d like for my readers to do is just be more understanding of couples who enjoy living in an Authoritative/Submissive way, regardless of which direction the roles go. If it works for an individual couple to be Husband = supporter, Wife = supporter…that should be fine if it’s agreed upon by both partners. if it works best in reverse…that should be fine as well if it’s agreed upon by both partners. Live and let live, right?
Courtesy: having politeness in one’s attitude and behavior towards others.
Chivalry: courteous behavior, especially that of a man towards a woman.
Of the bloggers I follow, a few have written about the concept of chivalry this past week, and I’ve decided to add my thoughts to the mix. If we look at the two definitions above, there is a stark contrast that is immediately apparent; Courtesy is for everyone, but chivalry is a term used solely for men in regards to their actions towards women.
I’ve been having a conversation about relationships with a guy I consider to be an online friend. In a recent email he mentioned that he finds the majority of women unattractive, perhaps due in part to being overly fond of anime and the proportions of women/girls contained therein. Shapely cartoon females aside, I thought this to be an odd way of reacting to such a large segment of one’s own species, especially given that there are so very many body types.
This way of looking at others is also quite different than my own, as I have thusfar in life been capable of finding something attractive about everyone I meet. I have worked with, learned with, been friends with, and simply spoken to people who are not conventionally attractive. But the acne-faced teenager with dermatitis may have beautiful eyes. The 70 year old man, for all his wrinkles, may have a most shapely chin. The obese woman, despite her overabundance of weight, may have incredibly smooth skin. There are a number of body parts, any of which can led beauty to an otherwise plain canvas of humanity. Well-formed hips and kind eyes. Lustrous hair or a nice nose. Full lips, toned arms and muscular legs…even just the way someone’s face lights up when they smile, or how their laugh spreads warmly over a room.
Yes, everyone in the world has something beautiful about them, and I hope that after reading this you will be able to see it in everyone you meet as well, if you don’t already. Perhaps if everyone could appreciate their bodies for the glorious potential they all hold, we as a society would be able to eradicate eating disorders and unnecessary plastic surgery. What do you think, dear readers?
It happened one Friday night at the store I currently work for. I was off the clock, but hanging around waiting for our after-hours Eclipse Phase game (a cool sci-fi/transhumanist RPG), and I overheard a conversation between 2 young twenty-something year old customers, one of whom I didn’t know. I’ve changed the names of those involved, but the discussion is as close to word for word as I can recall.
Sorry for the lack of posting last week. It has been a crazy time, getting this new store open. This entire 60 hour work week was extremely busy, and I don’t even have off today like I planned (turns out we have an impromptu staff meeting AND inventory count – yay!) Tomorrow it all starts again…more cleaning, painting, putting up drywall, spackling, sanding, ordering fixtures, etc. At least I like manual labor, this month would suck if I didn’t!
While we’re waiting to see which topic wins out on my last post’s poll, I thought I’d talk about something that has been on my mind lately. Namely, aging and how Western society responds to it.
There seems to be a weird feeling that being older than 25-30 is a terrible thing, especially for women…so much so that there’s a term for it in certain parts of the internet: “Hitting the Wall”. A phrase that used to belong solely to athletes has been redefined for use when describing the human body, and again, women’s in particular. Why?
I am going to be very busy helping to open a new store, but I have quite a few rough ideas and partially written posts languishing in my Drafts. Since I have such little free writing time at present, I figured that it would be better to let you, my readers, decide where it should be directed. Please vote on the topic you would most like to see from me first. At the end of the week, the poll will close and I’ll post each topic according to the resulting percentages.
Thanks for your help, everyone!
I was going to save this comic book for Part 2 of my “These Comics Won’t Rot Your Brain…” series, but I’m going to make an exception for this one. You’ll see why in a moment.
Okay, so the comic book in question is called Saga, written with the awesome words of Brian Vaughan and illustrated by the equally awesome talents of Fiona Staples. It’s only up to issue 14 so far, but if you’re not reading it yet that just means it’ll be easy for you to go buy your own copies. Seriously, why AREN’T you reading it yet?
Earlier this week, my dear blogging friend MrMary posted on The Outlier Collective. Focusing on racism in America, I thought his words truly spoke to what many people of color (and specifically black people) feel everyday. Go ahead and read it if you want, I’ll wait.
To be looked at as somehow “inferior”, or more likely to cause trouble simply because of your skin color/ethnicity. For some of us, this will never happen…for others, it happens every week. Despite the fact that the year is 2013 and our species is the most influential and intelligent on the planet, for some reason we cannot rise above various -isms, racism definitely included. Why?