As many of my readers know by now, I have Gender Dysphoria (aka a consistent, life-long feeling of being the wrong physical sex). Thus, I am quite comfortable in saying that I really don’t understand the female of our species…never have, and probably never will. I was talking with some of my customers today and we generally concluded that womenfolk are a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Since I have a fair number of women commenters, maybe they can help answer some of these questions.
Remember, these are generalizations and not indicative of all women at all times, nor do I think that they are necessarily biological in origin. Also note that some of these are meant to be humorous, not necessarily what every woman in the world does. 😛
1. Why do women visit the restroom in packs?
I think everyone has witnessed this: a group of men and women are eating at a restaurant, one woman announces she is going to the bathroom…and suddenly every *other* woman gets up, too. Do you really all need to urinate at the same moment? I mean, you’re going to relieve yourself not visiting an amusement park!
2. Why do women talk in the restroom?
It boggles my mind that the female of our species wants to talk, gossip, and trade “beauty secrets” while in a public bathroom. There are so many better places to hold conversations, like the table you probably just left. But no, I’ve seen (heard?)women be so engrossed in a topic that they will keep discussing it through the stalls! In my mind, this is an invasion of my privacy and just not right…I’m there to “see a man about a horse” not talk about how hard your trigonometry homework is, or why Brad Pitt’s hair is stupid.
3. Why do women open their mouths when putting on mascara?
Ok, even the authors of that great book, Imponderables, couldn’t answer this one. I can’t put on mascara to save my life, but I’ve watched lots of women do it. Every single one of them opens their mouth at least a little when doing so. Why, dammit?!
4. Why do women seem to take everything so personally?
I’ve had discussions where I’ll say that I did not care for something (like a book, a restaurant, a celebrity) and the woman I’m speaking with gets overly upset that I don’t like it, especially if it’s something they enjoy. Unlike men, who usually ask why I don’t like it, women tend to act as though I’m insulting their personal tastes. Listen, just because I don’t think Twilight is deserving of even a fraction of it’s popularity doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read/watch it if you want. I’m not questioning your sanity, I’m saying I have a different opinion!
5. Why do women keep buying so many shoes?
Seriously. I own a pair each of sneakers, hiking boots, sandals, 2 dress shoes, and winter boots. That’s a total of 6 options…why do you need any more? And what’s with high heels, those torturous footwear abominations…why own them at all, when they’re so hard to walk in and they hurt so much?
6. Why do women use exaggerations during arguments?
This is a big one. I’ve noticed that women tend to use words like “You never take out the garbage” or “I’m always the one doing the dishes around here”. Using terms like these are grossly inaccurate, and make the person you’re arguing with go on the defensive. Now, instead of talking about the REAL issues, the other person feels they have to give examples of when they did in fact take out the garbage…which does precisely nothing towards ending the argument any sooner. Wouldn’t it be better to say “I need more help with the chores this week, because I’m going to be under a lot of stress at work til this project is over. Can you take over dish duty til then?”
7. Why do women wear makeup when they want to look natural?
I don’t wear makeup, so maybe there’s a reason for this, but I just can’t understand why there’s a need to put stuff on your face if you want to look “au natural”. If you don’t want people to see any visible makeup…why not just walk out of the house with nothing on? My mother and sisters used to (and presumably still do) spend incredible amounts of time with liners, foundations, powders, and lip glosses attaining a look that was not much different than their actual face. What the heck is the point?
8. Why do women talk badly about men/feel there is female solidarity?
This has happened more times than I can count. A woman comes in with their man and makes fun of them or talks down to them for buying comic books/wanting to browse the videogames. When they come up to pay, the woman inevitably looks at me and shakes her head with a little smile.
“Boys and their toys, huh?”
“Guess they never grow up.”
“Men! Can’t drag them away from their so-called hobbies!”
It’s a very uncomfortable feeling, being around someone who publicly mocks their partner’s interests…and then expects you to agree or join in with a story about your own guy. Maybe there was a secret meeting I missed, but I didn’t hear that all people with vaginas are supposed to laugh at the people with penises. Usually I just say something like “Actually, I enjoy this comic/game too. Maybe you should try it.”
The look of confusion is priceless.
9. Why do women make a fuss over the toilet seat?”
If it’s up, put it down. The action of doing so takes 2 seconds. It’s not that big of a deal. If you live with a bunch of men/boys, you may even consider putting it back up when you’re done!
10. Why do women not want solutions?
Just to clarify, I’m not talking about things like business meetings where everyone *is* trying to find more effective ways to deal with problems or make money. No, I mean when a woman talks to you about the bad week she’s been having or all the minor issues that have been cropping up in her life. I’m all for listening to people and giving validation to their feelings…but then shouldn’t the goal of this conversation be to FIX the problems? Why is it that when I give ideas on how to rectify the issues, I’m suddenly “not listening” or “don’t understand”? I get that part of my job as a listener is to allow the speaker to vent, but then I’d think it would also be my job to present a different view of the situation or brainstorm about ways to make it better. My friends all appreciate it when I do this…so why don’t women, too?
So what do you think, female readers? Want to have a go at answering any of these? You’d be doing a lot of people (including myself) a big favor!
Male readers, do you think you have insight to these riddles? Go ahead and share your wisdom in the comments!