Why Women Should Date Nerds And Geeks

Ladies, are you tired of being cheated on every month? Want a boyfriend who doesn’t act like a chauvinist or put you down in front of his friends? Fed up with guys who think his sports team is more important than his relationship with you? Fear not, I have a solution.

Date a nerd/geek/gamer.

Why? Well, because while the majority of them may not be muscle-bound, pretty-boy “hunks” (if you’re even into that sort of thing), they have a cornucopia of great traits that make them more than worthy boyfriend material. Check it out:

1. They are intelligent.
Geeks tend to have a few well-loved subjects that they are experts in, but most will be informed on nearly any real topic under the sun. You want a man who can have a deep philosophical conversation with you, or one who is up to date on the latest scientific advancements? There you go. Sure beats having to listen about how the current football season is going again…and again…and again. Trust me, a partner who is willing to flex his smarts is sexy. Knowledge is power, after all.

2. They are genuine.
Women get a lot of flak for playing head games constantly, but a fair share of men do it too, especially those who are players or jerks. Geeks and nerds are a breath of fresh air in this case, as they usually opt for complete honesty and truthfulness. You want to be kept in the loop of what your man is thinking, or don’t want a runaround if an outfit really *does* look hideous on you? Well, you asked…and your nerd will tell you the truth. Just be aware that there will probably be no sugar-coating of it, so don’t get angry for him being “too direct”.

3. They are motivated.
Most, if not all, geeks and nerds have a strong drive for success. Whether this motivation plays out in his hobbies, relationships, or job is dependent on the individual man, but be assured that he has a ton of willpower to get things done. Sometimes this can be redirected temporarily; if he’s very into his job, and you feel left out, tell him in a clear and non-blaming manner. He will do his best to redistribute his time, and help revamp the relationship. Just remember that it takes 2 to tango…you need to show *your* desire to help too.

4. They’re romantic.
Are you the type of woman who likes men who pull out your chair, present you with a single rose on your first date, or who will drape their cloak over you if there’s a chill in the air? Then what the hell are you doing trying to find guys at bars? You should be looking at your FLGS* or at LARPing* events! Seriously, the overwhelming majority of gamers have a strong romantic streak in them, and they are sincere about it. They will treat you like a real lady, not because they think you’re fragile or inferior, but because they honestly care about making you feel special. If you even attempt to match this in your own way…by being pleasant, buying him a gift every once in a while, and thanking him for the little things he does…you will have a long and healthy relationship.

5. They’re empathetic.
Alright ladies, serious question time. Do you or don’t you want a man who cares about your problems and will listen to you when you’re upset? Because if you *do*, a nerd or geek is for you. If not, go back to chasing the jerk from the club who never calls you back. I’m sure this comes as a shock to no one, but gamers, nerds, and geeks have almost always had a hard time growing up. Most had to deal with bitchy girls who used them for homework duty, and alpha/jock guys who slammed them into lockers. They know what it’s like to be upset, and thus have a better listening ear than someone who coasted through the social drama of high school and college. Be aware though: They will listen, but then offer solutions to the issue. If you don’t want to fix the problem, let them know ahead of time.

6. They’re imaginative.
Do you like role-playing games? Because you’re bound to get some with one of these guys. I’ve found, through personal experience, that creativity in ones hobbies/workplace translates very well into the bedroom. I’m not necessarily talking about having crazy-hanging-from-a-chandelier sex (though he probably wouldn’t say no), I just mean you will never be bored. If there’s one thing a gamer boyfriend is not, it’s a “one-hump chump”. True, he may not have much real life experience, but remember, we were all like that once. If you go slow at first, you will in all probability find a bastion of sexual imagination who is likely to enjoy the concept of equal pleasure and foreplay just as much as you. Unless of course you’re actually into men who only use you for their own jollies and don’t care if you are satisfied with the encounter…then by all means, keep after that jerk from the bar. There might just be a reason why women report having fewer orgasms with random hookups who couldn’t care less if they get off too.

There are more reasons that geeks and nerds make good boyfriends (and husbands), but how many do you really need? True, you will have to “put up with” them going to Comic Con, PAX, Gencon, and their gaming store. They may have elaborate costumes or real broadswords for the Renaissance Faire. You may have to read Lord of the Rings or a D&D manual to understand certain conversations. But if that is the worst that you have to deal with, I can think of far more horrible relationship sacrifices. Attraction isn’t something one can control, but it may just be worth it to look around for that geeky diamond in the rough. Who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised.

My people are awesome once you give them a chance. 😉

*FLGS = Friendly Local Gaming Store
*LARPing = Live Action Role Playing

33 thoughts on “Why Women Should Date Nerds And Geeks

  1. Awesome post. I am now going to race to become a techno-geek so the lovely ladies will be lining up for me.

    Oh, wait. I already have one. That must mean that I already am…

    A geek.

  2. Sir Navigator1965 of Geekdom and his most sacred quest to slay the bane that is the feminist dragon. ‘Tis I.

    Still love you just the way you are, BTW.

  3. Thanks, Navigator. Acceptance can be difficult to find, even on a good day. You are much appreciated, friend.

    Ah, the fight for true equality of the sexes! Maybe one day men and women will sit at a round table…

  4. Equality is a bit of an illusion, as is freedom. How about we sit around the table with love, resect, acceptance, and understanding. Not only of others, but of ourselves, too.

    Here when you need me. Always on patrol.

  5. This reminded me of a great quote for Einstein. He said that insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. In this regard most people are insane when it comes to relationships. Really who in their right mind expects partner number 73 picked up from the local bar to be notably different than the other 72.

    Looking in different places is a great piece of advice I doubt many will actually follow.

  6. Hey there, GNL. Good to hear from you.

    They may not, but perhaps if they hear it enough times from enough different people, it’ll start to sink in. Really though, there’s lots of places to meet potential mates; museums, art galleries, coffee shops, wine & cheese tastings, singles getaways, antique stores, libraries, specialty food markets, book signings…You know, unique places that bring people together based on common interests. Who woulda thunk it, right? 😉

  7. @Tarnished

    Unless the nerd is virile it is unlikely that nerds makes women tingle. I have seen too many hot chicks with thugs and muscle-bond jerks to believe otherwise.

  8. “Tingle”? Lol. I’ll admit that the majority of women seem to go after jock-types, but there are a decent amount who like the men I speak of here. Usually they are gamers, nerds, and geeks themselves. A few are cosplayers, others are theatre majors who love having a boyfriend who also enjoys costumes and acting…even if hers is on stage and his is at a table. Every once in a while a really hot young woman will just get tired of being arm candy to an alpha jerk, and will find a nerd who appreciates her as a person.

    Then again, I run a hobby store. I probably have a better closeup of this demographic than most.

  9. I’ll comment on this later when i have time. As always, i love your idealism and passion for this. My train of thought tho is that much like the phrase ‘Love conquers all’.. you can write a million words telling women what they should like or appreciate in a man. However the one universal constant in the sphere is this:


    If you took this list to your local highschool and asked all the girls who were just starting to get their hypergamy on, most of them would outright laugh at you. They know what they like, the captain of the football team, the moody/brooding loner, the guy with the motorcycle, the ‘dangerous’ guys (guys who like danger, not guys wearing hockey masks and knives).

    Lastly, as i always mention, you are a specific creature among your gender. I would love for this kind of info to be taken seriously by women, but it will only resonate with women much like yourself. It will not change the appetite of women who want ‘a mans man’, or the man that every other woman in the room is looking at.

    Still, i love your honest naivete. You remind me of the Audacious Amateur Blogger when she was around. And Anna before her.


  10. Thanks, I look forward to your comment.

    I like to think I’m not all *that* naive…or at least not any more than yourself. I look at it this way; Both of us are trying to help others get a better understanding of relationships, you from a mascularist perspective and I from an egalitarian one. You know that most people won’t take your words for what they are, nor are they likely to do so with mine. We won’t convince everyone, but we have to make the attempt. We are not so different in our “naivety”.

    But at least the seed is planted, and some women may begin to really consider what they desire in a partner.

  11. I think M3 is right about desire.
    There was a guy in my highschool who my friends tried to set me up with. He was very nice. Of course, they would never have dated him, but he was nice. And he was nice. They were right. And smart (this was a very important trait to me as well).
    Unfortunately, he was also very feminine. I didn’t know why I didn’t like him then, but he repulsed me on some level. Fast forward about 13 years and one of the friends who had tried to set me up with that guy attempted to date him, as an act of desperation. He was nice, and smart, afterall…and she was unmarried (divorced, she’d married at 19 just like I did but it didn’t work out and she didn’t have kids). He had all the qualities: successful, nice, would likely be a good father, but he just didn’t do it for her. He really didn’t do it for anyone. He eventually married, and when I heard he and his wife had a kid I was elated for him. But I can’t imagine him having sex. Ever. Just can’t.

  12. Hmm, interesting. Other than a few flamboyant gay men, I can’t recall knowing any guys that I’d ever think of as “feminine”. I wonder if I would have liked him, seeming as how I’m not feminine myself.

    Why did you think of him as feminine, and why was that repulsive? Is it just that you are attracted to more “macho” menfolk, or is it something else?

  13. I was repulsed because he was interested in me, and everyone wanted to set me up with him (including my mother), and he was feminine. How so? Well, he was soft. Not in a fat soft sense (a guy can be manly and fat), but in a “girlie” soft sense. Not sure how else to describe it. He was just feminine. Also dated another guy who seemed feminine before I met my husband, and it always bothered me, but he was about three times more masculine than that guy…and he did turn out to be gay. No shocker. I’d rather actually date a girlish girl than a feminine man. It would repulse me less.

  14. just thinking further…I think what bothered me most is that he was completely sexless. I couldn’t imagine him having sex with anyone (male or female). He was kind of like a child. But grown. He was the same in his 30s as he was at 15. It was weird.

  15. Huh, maybe he was asexual. Or the opposite of me…too little testosterone for a typical male.

    Either way, I’m glad he found someone.

  16. Sorry, i’ll have to come back to this tomorrow.. my time is constantly being eaten up..

    ..and i still haven’t opened up my Masterpiece-MP13 Soundwave that arrived today from Japan!

  17. There is a problem: most geeks and nerds are too easygoing and too low on emotional drama for a typical woman. Usually, such relationships (<- panels are meant to read from right to left) turn out too bland and boring to last longer than a few years.

  18. @Exfernal

    Thanks for the link, I have been looking for new manga to enjoy. 🙂

    I was actually giving your comment a lot of thought, especially about the part on emotional drama. My own sisters and mother, as well as the majority of young women I went to school with, do seem to crave some drama in their lives. It’s almost as though they have confused distress with eustress. I’ve known women who have broken up with their boyfriends because “the relationship got too boring/stable”, and my second youngest sister has admitted to fighting with her boyfriend “just because”.

    This is strange to me, especially since my FwB and I have had only 1 disagreement in the 8 years we’ve known each other. I don’t like fighting, and much prefer to have a calm discussion about how we might be miscommunicating and fix things that way. Why do you suppose some women believe a peaceful relationship is boring?

  19. Haha this is great, and so true– my boyfriend is not a gamer, but he’s a bit of a geek for certain things (don’t tell him I said that) and he’s wonderful. First guy who hasn’t cheated on me, so that’s automatic points right there.

  20. @Sophia

    Happy to help. Do you have a list of your favorite manga somewhere? At MangaUpdates or MyAnimeList, perhaps?

    …do seem to crave some drama in their lives.

    Hell if I know why. Perhaps because they mistakenly believe that it’s a “duty” of their significant others to keep them entertained? Perhaps they are just acting spoiled? I have too little personal observations to support my point. The Game crowd would simply label that as yet another type of “fitness test”. Well, who knows…

    Have you seen this episode of “Ergo Proxy”? Miss Mayer is quite insufferable here, hehe. I’d say that good lovemaking and/or some lighthearted distraction (like a game of Munchkin, for example) are in order.

  21. No, I am limited to the 5gb of internet/data on my phone each month, as I have no home phone, cable, or internet service in my home. I’ll check out those sites though, thanks.

    That may actually be true for some of them…go onto YouTube and look for “why girls go for bad boys”. There are a surprising number of videos made by girls and women that all-out say that they want to constantly be on their toes and have excitement in their lives. They get more in depth than I’ll say here, but check it out…it’s like they never left high school. 😛

    When I first started learning about what the Game/PUA community says, I’ll admit I thought it was all balderdash…surely no woman would fall for these “tricks” or feel the constant need to “test” their man. But then I *really* started paying attention to the relationships around me, and thought back to the girl’s locker room in middle/high school. I sadly realized it was true.

    No, I haven’t seen it, but I’ll follow your link. Thank you. 🙂

  22. “When I first started learning about what the Game/PUA community says, I’ll admit I thought it was all balderdash…surely no woman would fall for these “tricks” or feel the constant need to “test” their man. But then I *really* started paying attention to the relationships around me, and thought back to the girl’s locker room in middle/high school. I sadly realized it was true.”

    Game comes from the real world experimentation by many, many horny guys (reasonably) honestly pooling their findings and results from their in depth experimentation in the real world. Put enough results together and you get to eject the ridiculous and are left with somewhat plausible and the usually true.

    Never in the field of ‘science’ has so much testosterone, so many grey cells and other stuff been expended in the search for ‘what works on a reasonable proportion of the target population. The moon landing in ’69 would have happened in ’66 with this level of effort, just sayin’.

    human sexuality isn’t pretty. It isn’t just the women that come out poorly, it’s just that in our society, we’ve been screwing the guys over for decades, it’s new to have it happen to women as well.

    TL;DR? Little girls are made of much the same stuff as little boys, how disappointing is that? It doesn’t matter, because it’s true.

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