I think my FwB is a really awesome and attractive man. Here’s why…
-He is kind and pleasant to be around.
I’m very attracted to people who have good morals, are giving, and aren’t bigoted against those who are different. He is open to considering different points of view, and loves to experience different foods, places, etc.
-He is a nerdy and geeky guy.
We share a lot of interests like D&D, videogames, boardgames, and similar hobbies. It’s cool to know someone who will go to any superhero/action/fantasy movie with me…though I *would* like to get my copy of DragonAge back sometime soon.
-My FwB is not a musclebound dude.
He’s overweight by about 50 lbs, and has a “keg” rather than a “six pack”. But as I find that boys with ripped bodies tend to be slightly narcissistic and look (in my opinion) like over-sized Ken dolls, I think he is very sexy as he is. Should he lose *some* weight? Yes, but only for health reasons. I am attracted to him just the way he is.
-He asks for my opinion on everything. When I was growing up, and when I tried to date in high school, I was very rarely asked my opinions on restaurants/places of interest/etc. I constantly felt like I was being led around, rather than making decisions for myself. My lover does the exact opposite, and leaves most decisions and planning up to me, or we work on it together. Much preferable!
-He doesn’t mind that I pay.
I’ve met boys who get very in-your-face about the fact they think they should pay for everything on a date. I can’t stand this, especially since it feels like the other person is attempting to indirectly buy my affections. (Also, if the date goes nowhere I’d prefer to not “owe” anything.) My lover doesn’t usually have as much disposable income as I do, so I end up paying 95% of the time. Best of all, he never complains about it. I like spoiling him with surprise gifts and candies too, as I do with all my friends.
-He’s an all-around nice guy.
I never have to act like someone I’m not when I’m around him. He’s charming without being absurdly polite, he is generally confident in his abilities but will ask for help when necessary, and he is not shy about talking about how he is feeling at that moment. It’s so refreshing to have someone in my life who isn’t hiding their emotions all the time, or denies them till they boil over.
-He’s funny, but can be serious.
One of my major complaints with the boys I attempted to date in high school is that they were always trying to make me laugh, even when I was having a bad day. For example, one boy kept cracking jokes in an effort to get me to smile/laugh the day after I had to put my dog down. I gently told him that I just didn’t feel like smiling that day, and he responded “that just means I have to try harder”. Yes, because emotional manipulation is so sexy…Needless to say, I dropped him like a sack of fish heads. With my FwB, he does make me laugh, but understands that there are times when humor has no place in a conversation. Maturity and empathy is sexy.
No, I don’t mean he has no STDs (although that is true also). I mean he is hygienic. As I discussed in my post “The Games We Play”, the stereotype of gamer B.O. is definitely true in some cases. As a worker in the hobby industry, there have been many a time when a customer has made me wish I had nose plugs. My lover knows the importance of shampoo, soap, toothpaste, well-kept nails, and deodorant. Believe me…it’s worth mentioning and praising!
-He is sexually adventurous.
I’ve never been with anyone else, but I heard from many women in high school and college locker rooms that their boyfriends always try to be ultra dominant in the bedroom. Thankfully, my lover *can* be dominant but is also very capable of being equal or even submissive…as am I. Being a multifaceted sexual partner sounds better, in my opinion, than being a one-trick pony who only knows how to be in one or two positions.
-He’s the yin to my yang.
I’m a INTJ, he’s a ENFP.
I’m generally stoic, he’s emotionally open.
I’m a workaholic, he enjoys relaxing.
Friends are more important to me, family is more important to him.
I am quiet and a bit of a wallflower unless I’m at work, he loves being the center of attention everywhere he goes.
I like to discuss philosophy, theology, and sociology, he usually talks about pop culture and his interests.
It’s a weird balance for both of us, but I’ll take it.
We are very different, but he is an awesome friend, fantastic sexual partner, and a wonderful confidant. I’m happy to have found such a great person who enjoys my company too.
I hope every one of my readers can find a similar friend at least once in their life!
What do you look for in a partner, or find attractive in the one you have?