Okay everyone, gather round. It’s time for another rousing tale of customer specialness from my place of work! This…”discussion”…happened just 2 days ago, and thus is unfortunately still very fresh in my mind. Luckily it took place in the early morning, so only 1 other customer was subjected to the abject stupidity and strangeness that was “I’m a Wiccan, too!” Guy.
So, man of about 20-25 comes in, buys a candy bar, and leaves. No big deal, right? But then he returns 15 minutes later, comes up to the counter, and says he remembered that he saw my pentacle necklace and wants to know what it represents. I tell him it’s a typical sign of Pagan beliefs, and that I’m specifically a Solitary practitioner. This is the conversation that followed:
Guy: Hey, that’s cool. I’m a Wiccan, too, but a full-blooded one.
Me: Um, full-blooded?
Guy: Well, yeah! My family has always been Wiccan. In fact, we can trace our powers back through the ages…all the way to Avalon!
Me: Okay…well, even if you could trace your lineage back that far, I don’t think you are talking about a real place. The Avalon most people think of is only in Arthurian legends. And besides, Wicca was only invented in the 1940’s…1920’s tops.
Guy: See, that’s where you’re wrong! You’ve been completely brainwashed by history! You have to look *beyond* history if you want to truly call yourself a witch…an embodiment of the Goddess!
Me: …Beyond history?
Guy: Well, duh. History is written by the victors. But Wicca was soooo secret that that even the winners didn’t know about it. *My* family still has one of the original grimoires written by the ancient Egyptians and Atlanteans. On the full moon, it glows and on the Sabbaths you can actually hear the voices of wisdom coming from it! It’s one of the *first* Book of Shadows, and has *true* transformation spells in it, and it’s written on ancient papyrus and was made on the first printing press, and…
Me: I’m sorry, but are you punking me?
Guy: What do you mean?
Me: I mean, are you being real right now or are you just trying to make fun of my religion? Because honestly…nothing of what you’re saying makes a lick of sense. It sounds like something a teen who read too much Harry Potter or Percy Jackson would believe.
Guy: No no no! I’m a legit warlock! I practice my spells everyday, and most of the time they work. Like today, I thought I was going to miss the bus…but I did a time lapse spell and I made it on okay!
Me: Even if spells are real, I don’t think they’d work that way. And no Wiccan man would call himself a warlock…it just isn’t done. It’s been nice, but I think we are done here. Have a good day.
He looked at me like I’d grown 3 heads, but left without a complaint. My other customer stared at the door for a while before turning to me. “Tarnished, what the ever-loving @!&% was that?”
I shrugged. “What happens when your family tree looks like a Celtic knot?”
Seriously though, *this* is the type of person who creates the unfortunate and entirely wrong stereotype of the “crazy Pagan”. People like this young man spout off in public about the absolute strangest crap, and call themselves Wiccans…or Druids, or any other kind of Pagan. Is it any wonder whatsoever that your typical citizen thinks that we are all living in our own little world, casting spells like a D&D larper and wearing funny clothes while getting drunk in the forest? No. When we have “spokespeople” such as this, it’s no wonder at all.
Which is truly sad, because I think my religion has a lot to offer, but will constantly be thought of as a belief system for people who don’t quite agree with reality. *sigh*
Has anyone else had a similar experience, either with a Pagan or some other pseudo-religious screwball?