Very quick post here, everyone. Almost more of an impromptu “survey” really.

So, over on AVfM there’s a new article up about why men give away sex all the time, even to women who don’t do very much to show they can actually bring anything besides their looks to the table.

The language used to write said article is more…coarse…than anything I’d say myself, but I get the underlying point: Namely, that male sexuality is easier to obtain than female sexuality. And though this is an unfair state of affairs that I plan on covering in a later post (because male sexuality is beautiful and should be cherished too), but for this one I want to focus on a certain segment. Warning for some strong language!

“This is something that I’ve never understood about men. If women want to ride my cock, they gotta pay. I’m the one doing all the work in bed. It’s my sweat all over her and the sheets. It’s her fucking orgasm and foreplay that is a job. Yet, men give away cock like it’s worthless. Dudes, get a fucking clue and stop giving it away! “

Now, perhaps I’m in the minority here, but in my opinion one partner should not be doing all the work. Otherwise, why even go out and find a partner? Just save yourself the time and money, stay home, and masturbate. Use a toy if you crave new sensations. I believe if you’re doing sex the right way everyone involved should be in charge of telling the other(s) what works for them, taking responsibility for their own orgasms, communicating openly, and just having fun.


That, and I’m confused why the author speaks in a somewhat derogatory manner on the subject of foreplay, and why he’s under the impression that only women like/need it. In my limited experience, men love to be worshiped just as much, if not more than, women. The number of times I’ve been completely ready to go…but my lover has slowed me down/reminded me to take my time…is probably about 50-60% of our encounters. Again, I only have my one partner to extrapolate from, but surely he’s not that different than other guys?

I don’t know, it is just is odd to me, this type of opinion about foreplay, and the idea of having sex with a partner who’s not even going to *try* to satisfy you. What do my readers think, or what of your own experiences are you comfortable sharing in regards to partners who take more than they give?

37 thoughts on “Wait…What?

  1. One of the best things about getting older is that such arguments are now more academic for me. Memory is what it used to be, either.

    What was the question again?

  2. What’s it about? “Dead fish” women? Professionals, for example, put more effort than just “being there”, regardless of motivation. And, is there a more powerful turn-on than a horny woman within ones grasp? I don’t think that sexbots could compete with that, not in foreseeable future. Excluding virgins, of course, as they don’t know what they are missing.

    No spicy anecdotes to share, I’m afraid… 😛

  3. Hey MrMary. Great to see you again! Can you go into a little more detail about your statement? In other words, is unfulfillment *necessarily* a cornerstone, or is there an underlying cause that can be fixed to prevent such a thing from occurring?

  4. Lol at your link. No offense, but I’d really hope most of my readers know the basics of sexual arousal by now…if not with a partner, then with themselves and through adequate schooling.

    I agree that an obviously aroused woman/man is very sexy. Although I do find a flaccid male member to be sexy also, but in a different way.

    Yes, I think this article is making reference to partners (in this case, women) who are less than capable participants…ones who really don’t care about their partner’s satisfaction and think that being present is enough. Which is honestly laughable…

    I don’t know, when I was a virgin, just beginning to learn the ropes of what I liked and what pleased my lover, I was pretty into it. After I found that he was willing to go slow and be patient with me, I wanted to try *everything*…blowjobs, handjobs, anal, vanilla sex, sex using toys, erotic massage, positions I’d seen in porn. It was difficult sometimes, and I did have flashbacks every once in a while, but I turned out to be an excellent pupil if I do say so myself. 😉

    I’m glad you haven’t had a partner like that. It sounds like masturbation is truly preferable than a “lover” who doesn’t act like they care about you or your body.

  5. Modern day intimate relationships have become an occasional five minutes of fun and a lifetime of emotional torture and financial rape for MEN. Human societies have always allowed women to play by different rules without being held responsible for the consequences of their choices and actions while holding men responsible not only for themselves but for their feminine intimate partners as well. So unsurprisingly the feminine gender has become far more self centered and narcistic after the rise of the second wave of feminism in the 1960’s; when feminism intentionally destroyed with both malice and forethought the social contract between the sexes.

    So yes the selfish prima donna who expects all of the good things life has to offer be handed to her on a silver platter by her male partner certainly has no other expectation that to lie in bed while her erstwhile male partner serves her like a good little drone.

    IMHO a good book is not only cheaper but a much better investment!

  6. Hi again, Poet.

    I agree with the “all the fun, little responsibility” idea. I found it revolting when a cop friend of mine told me that, yes…if a drunk man and drunk woman have sex, it’s on *the guy*, rather than both of them. I’ve never been drunk, or in a casual sex situation…but I’d take responsibility for the fact I was a dumbass.

    A good book is great, a good lover you can read said book with is better! Other than when we play around with light bondage, I can’t say I’d find much fun in just lying in bed being serviced…or at least, I’d certainly have to reciprocate (which I love doing anyway). 😉

  7. Mutual pleasure is the only way to go. I don’t get the “don’t give it away, Make them pay.” By that does he mean money or that it should be mutual? I don’t like to think of payment as a way of describing mutual, though.

  8. A lot of women do seem to think that when they take off their clothes, their job is done. Heck, some won’t even help you with that – Such women as these are rubbish.

    I like to feel desired by my partner. Although I’m totally fine, and even prefer it, if I desire her more than she me (and this isn’t difficult given my sex drive)

    Foreplay rocks.

  9. @Tarn

    definitely had an ex who felt that all she had to contribute was being there with her magical vajayjay. The relationship didn’t last long enough for her to try and commercialise the access to it. i.e. make me ‘earn’ it / pay to play hide’n’seek in her fairy cave. Her sex drive was waaaaay lower than mine though and in that she saw opportunity for profit (lot of treats. pampering, honey-do lists and nights out etc).

    I left when that writing became visible on the wall and she tried the first stage / dry run ‘oops! I’m late! I might be pregnant’ scam. You know the one (or maybe you don’t, you having all those fancy ethics and values 😉 ); no actual problem, just check out his reaction to the scenario. If it all looks good, then next time it’s for real. She was only mid twenties, working with a respectable job. Not what you’d consider high-risk of (baby rabies triggered?) attempted entrapment. Hey, just thought! Maybe I was that good looking? Looks in mirror *shakes head* then at old photos *slaps self around face* hmmm, must have been something else.

    Anyway, it was clearly time for bye bye, I may have been young, but I was never that dumb.

    Relatedly, really looking forward to the RISUG / Vasalgel thing becoming available. Gonna be some changes in the market place when both sides have to actively consent to being parents. Going to be truly revolutionary in fact, a huge step towards equality (for any guy with any IQ above room temperature and resources at risk). We’ll never have equality without artificial wombs, but we can edge toward equal rights to have to consent to parenthood.

  10. @Master Beta
    “Foreplay rocks.”

    hear! hear!

    I always make the effort to give ‘her’ the full, deluxe treatment; foreplay, mindblowing sex and spooning. Never skimp, always give her the full six minute symphony of sex, even when you’re in a rush. Six minutes, you say? I know, I know, but I’m slowing down as I reach advanced age. People say I’m too much of a gentleman (and they clearly have a point), but somethings should never be rushed because a lady appreciates the extra effort.

  11. @Tarn
    any idea why English guys have crap reputations as lovers and of having strange senses of humour? Enquiring minds, don’t’cha know? Spiffing. Toodles.

  12. @BroadBlogs

    Mutual pleasure is the best. I don’t believe he means make them pay as in prostitution…it’s more of a make them show they’ll bring something to the table, like actually giving pleasure instead of just taking it. You have to admit…male sexuality isn’t looked at the same way as female sexuality. One is treated as easy to get, the other as very difficult.

  13. @Master Beta

    Hello there, it’s great to hear from you again.

    Wow, there’s women who won’t even undress themselves. Lol, how lazy! That *is* rubbish…unless their partner wants to disrobe them? I like doing that to my lover, seeing only a bit of skin at a time and loving it until I move onto the next part.

    My FwB and I are equally horny all the time, we would both have sex everyday if we could. Maybe it’s better that we don’t. Could lead to some chafing by week 4, lol.

    Foreplay is amazing, especially when both partners try to “edge” the other. Such fun!

  14. @Spawny

    Whoa, a low sex drive, baby rabies, pregnancy scare, needing you to earn sex, AND trying to pretend she was inept at using birth control? Dear sir, why on earth did you get rid of such a winner?!

    *achoo* *sniff* Sorry, I’m allergic to using so much sarcasm. 😉

  15. @Spawny (again)

    Male birth control is going to be, as Bill and Ted would say, excellent. I really hope it comes down the line soon, guys need to be in control just as much as women. It’s only fair, and will lead to so few “oopsies” that it’ll make a paternity frauds head spin. 🙂

    Six minutes you say? Rubbish. How am I supposed to include a 15 minute blowjob? And you can keep the spooning…I can only stand “cuddling” for a few minutes. I’d rather go make sandwiches afterwards. (No, not a women in kitchen joke…I actually get pretty hungry after sex!)

  16. @Spawny (damn, this guy comments a lot, lol)

    Um, is that an actual reputation? If so, I’ve never heard of it. But if it is I’m going to hazard a guess it’s because your language has words like “spiffing”, which to my American brain sounds like a type of hairstyle technique for poodles.

    Like “Oh, look at Petunia getting her fur spiffed! Isn’t that just smashing, Guv’?” 😀

  17. @Tarn, sometimes you only discover that there is small print after you’ve opened the box. On the plus side she got me back out on the prowl, on the minus side the next woman is now my ex-wife. Swings and Roundabouts, Tarn, Swings and Roundabouts.

  18. Lol, and now it sounds like you’re talking about an amusement park, which I probably wouldn’t visit since I’m afraid of roller coasters. 😛

    Sigh, ladyfolks are full of specialness sometimes. I’d say that they should come with instruction manuals…except I also know that men would never read them.

  19. Bit of a mix there with ‘Guv’ to be honest. Don’t know in which way to best respond:

    I say! how absolutely wonderful to see good old Petunia spiffed up to the nines, bless her little cotton socks. Top hole, Tarn, top hole! Another G&T? Marvellous old bean, well chin, chin everybody!
    (Jeeves and Wooster)

    Bleedin’ ‘ell Tarn me old mucker! You ain’t ‘arf got that there Lundun accent dahn good, dontcha guv’nor?
    (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels).

    Fifteen minutes of the best BJ I ever had would have left me dead. No idea how long it actually took, but I did forget to breath several times. God bless girls swapping techniques (yes, I’m sure that that was what it was). Not every minute of my marriage was horrible, the bedroom (actually kitchen in that instance) provided the highlights.

  20. “except I also know that men would never read them.”

    Tarn *sigh* once again you prove your wisdom.

    Whatever parts of the male gender role are embedded by society, that part is genetic in me (at least). Never read the instruction manual it’s the first step on a path that leads nowhere good. Every engineer has that written on his heart.

    I once took something expensive apart as a child and was having a hard time putting it back together (more than once, to be honest. a lot more). My father’s ire was instantly assuaged when I pointed out that it was actually his fault, because I inherited the tendency from him. A real bonding moment.

  21. I knew it. Brits are aliens. Only real explanation. Or at least the ones who speak cockney. 😉

    Never tmi on *my* blog, dearheart. Whatever someone is comfortable sharing and doesn’t violate my policy goes.

    Huh, 10-15 min is the shortest I’ll go. I love giving them, and thankfully he never denies me. My guy has been with 12 different women before me, and not only am I the only one who has agreed to anal sex, but according to him I also give the absolute best blowjobs. I didn’t hear any tips from other people…I just decided I wanted to try it, and asked him to tell me what felt good. Of course, I’ve perfected it a bit over the years from learning his sounds and paying attention to his body…and spicing it up with some extra “props” and hand movements.

    Tips: For a “cooling” session of fellatio, crunch one or two Mint Lifesavers and allow them to dissolve on your tongue.

    For a very different feel, take some seltzer water or champagne and hold in your mouth while pleasuring him. The tiny bubbles bursting along his member feel exquisite, so I’m told.

    Maybe I’ll make a post about different sex tips for people to try. What do you (and others) think?

  22. Wow, that actually worked? Bravo!

    To tell a secret, I also don’t read instructions. It feels like more of a victory when you complete something without assistance, even if it takes a bit longer.

    Plus, tools are fun to work with, and buttons are fun to push. 🙂

  23. Mouthful of hot tea just before was good. As was her sucking an ice cube. You lover owes me, big stylee

    Good night Tarn. Sweet dreams for me tonight, at least I guess. I white dream, I never remember my dreams.

  24. TarnsZ aka Super T

    Every watch Super Dave?

    I’m going to keep it real with you and do away with the political correctness. A lot of women, I and my compatriots have come across, view sex as a gift that is bestowed or earned i.e. you have to take me out, you have to wine and dine me, jump through rings of fire like an animal in a circus etc. That kind of thinking doesn’t engender two partners working equally as hard for each other’s mutual benefit. Amongst my friends (male & female) and I, we have come to an agreement that the hotter a girl is the worse she is in bed, there is a sense of entitlement at work. Then there are the women who use sex as a tool to get things, there is just with-holding of sex in a marriage.

    There is a reason the saying is happy wife happy life, and not mutually happy partners happy life, lol. There is always a reason why it’s called getting lucky too.Or where the idea that you get your girl/wife something to get her to give you “some”. That is a subtext to a lot of jokes for a reason.

    I do not think all women are like this obviously. But I do think the fact that Lysistrata, was written 411 BC says a lot about the politics of sexual consent and working for “a piece”

    Just my random thoughts on break from writing lectures.

    As a man i think unfulfillment is a major part of life, like serving you country and everyone forgetting you exist when you return etc. It’s only logical that that tat idea of expendability would enter into sexual relationships and Sly Stallone Movies

    These video clips came to mind:

    * [From WIKI] persuades the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands and lovers as a means of forcing the men to negotiate peace — a strategy, however, that inflames the battle between the sexes.

  25. I’m fine MrMary, cheers for asking. Saving up for a nose job…maybe some glasses to highlight my eyes and draw attention to them instead. Just a thought.

  26. Now, perhaps I’m in the minority here, but in my opinion one partner should not be doing all the work.

    I’d move to a planet where this is possible immediately
    I think the quote that you quoted referred to the process of **initiating sexual relations in the first place** not effort made in actual love-making.
    Are there a reasonably high-percentage of women who are egalitarian in the actual process of love-making, that is they put in as much effort as they get? Of course, one can easily say “I will only choose to date women who put in equal effort in love-making” and still have an active sex life.
    When it comes to ACTUALLY getting into a sexual relationship in the first-place, 99.9% of women are far from egalitarian (50%). Most men are extatic when they find a woman who invests even 10% in the mating process. Most women wait for the men to put in 100% of the effort and risk-taking between eye-contact and first-sex.
    Comments like you quoted refer to this dynamic where women act like they are a prize to be won-over. The path towards first sex is paved with a ton of “prove to me you’re worthy of getting to have sex with me by jumping through a gazillion hoops and vague and mixed signals and do all the work”
    —> Yes a high-percentage of women switch to egalitarian after you’ve become sexual partners. But its easy to initiate sex once you know you have little risk.

  27. Hi Alek. Hope you’re doing well.

    No, if you read the full article he specifically mentions something along the lines of “I’m the one getting my sweat all over her…” which to me definitely sounds like a dead-fish sex partner. Not fun at all.

    But I agree with your idea of wanting women to initiate the “chase” too. I’ve never had to, as my FwB and I kinda just fell into our “relationship”. It was strictly about trust on my end and timing on his…at any time previous I’d have been too scared of intimacy. I do know that if we ever go separate ways, I will definitely be seeking out another casual LTR, and would not mind being the approacher rather than the approachee.

  28. Oh ok sorry then, I didn’t read the source of the comment, thanks for clarifying the full context

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