An interesting observation that I’ve made reading certain parts of the manosphere is that some (not all, and honestly not even a majority) of male bloggers/commenters have a huge misunderstanding of what constitutes “bitchy” behavior.
This subgroup rails against non-submissive women, claiming they are catty, unsexual/use sex as a tool, act cruel to their men, and actually enjoy publicly browbeating the very guy they supposedly love. While there ARE women like this…heck, I’ve met them myself…I’m never quite sure why there is the immediate assumption that a woman who doesn’t identify as or acts submissive is automatically guilty of this type of antisocial, revolting behavior.
Take the following conversation for example. It is part of the comment section from a blog I used to read, and involved myself, a submissive woman, and a man of the type I described above. We were talking about the concept of intersexual respect, and what would improve gender relations. This is what was said (their names have been changed);
“Women would be much better off learning how to properly submit to and respect men instead of making them feel inferior all the time.”
“I disagree. Everybody is deserving of kindness, polite manners and respect, of course…and if a husband and wife agree to the Captain/First Officer model, that’s up to them. But just because I happen to have been born female doesn’t mean I should “submit” to anyone who happens to have been born male. I’m never getting married, and would never submit to or act inferior to a random man.”
“Congratulations, Kathy. With that humble attitude, you are far more likely to attract a REAL man, and not just one of these sappy Betas that would settle for the kind of shit they’d get from tarnishedsophia there. Women with that sour, shitty, “I ain’t havin’ no man rule over ME! I ain’t submittin’ to NOBODY!”-type attitude are the ones that end up old, fat, and alone with ten cats, wondering why no quality man ever realized what a unique “catch” they were.”
Unfortunately, the conversation did not improve, so I’ll spare my readers the rest of the rather drawn out (and logically frustrated) discussion that was had that day. But I think the little bit I’ve shared is sufficient to go on…The fact that in a mere 4 sentences of opinion, this man who I’d never spoken to before believed he knew enough about me to classify me as the type of woman who’d willingly “give a man shit” and has a “sour attitude” speaks volumes. (He also confuses humbleness with submission, but that’s a topic for another post.) In other words, Jim conflates being a bitch with simply refusing to see oneself as submissive or needing to give more respect than is typical of casual everyday interactions with male strangers.
Again, I do not understand where this line of thought comes from. Namely, that unless someone born as a female necessarily acts subordinate to someone born as a male, she is deliberately being a “ball-buster”. To me, that’s as inane as saying any cis male who doesn’t hold the door open for a cis female is a raging misogynist. In my experience, people (of both sexes, no less!) simply aren’t as cut and dry as all that…I know that one can be polite, nice, and respectful to others without needing to act subservient.
At the time it really got under my skin, this boy who acted as though my one opinion (incorrectly read as it was) dictated exactly how I treat my lover. That just because I see no logical reason to live as a caricature of a 1950’s housewife, I must be a harpy who delights in testing and taunting my FwB. This, despite the fact that I rub his shoulders when he is upset, that I have never said “no” to sex, that I pay for close to 100% of our meals and entertainment…Heck, the fact that I’m always happy to hear his voice, even when he calls at 3am and wakes me from a sound sleep. Apparently being willing to listen to your lover’s problems and help them at any given moment is akin to “giving them shit”.
Or so one would assume, given Jim’s line of reasoning on this matter.
It’s just a notion that confuses me, and I fully admit that my lack of understanding could be due to the fact I also have trouble with understanding things like dating and subtle communication techniques. Anyone want to weigh in?