What About Friends With Benefits?

A manosphere site I just found out about a few weeks ago, Red Pill Pushers, has up an interesting (although not entirely accurate) breakdown of the three main sexual relationships a man can have with a woman. The author states there are;

1. Wives
2. Prostitutes
3. Mistresses

Each one comes with some risk and some reward, according to the writer, which is true enough. If a man’s sexual relations had to be broken down to their core financial costs and nothing else, then these examples are fair assessments. (It is worth noting that these breakdowns assume the woman doesn’t really care for sex, or uses it simply as a tool to obtain material goods. They make no mention of women who enjoy sex just for it’s own sake, which I point out in my response.) In their own words;

You have to pay all three of them, but wives are the biggest investment with no guarantee of return. She costs a house, access to your children, half of your assets present & future, and half your pension, with no promise of sexual satisfaction or respect in return.

A prostitute will charge whatever the market will bear; you just have to remember she’s an actress, don’t get emotionally involved.

A mistress….she might cost you everything. Reputation, respect, marriage, the whole nine. But she’ll be the most eager to please you. It’s the risk/return thing.”

I recommend reading the entire post, which can be found here: http://redpillpushers.wordpress.com/category/women-2/mistress-women/

My own response has not been allowed through moderation yet, despite it being made on April 22. Thus, I am posting it here as well, where conversation can actually take place. I said:

You missed one category: Friend with Benefits. A lover who will play videogames with you, buy you food/snacks, get you gifts from time to time without expecting anything besides friendship in return, generally be into the same hobbies/movies,and enjoys initiating/having sex because it’s fun, pleasurable, and satisfying on a physical and mental level.

Of course, if this list is only meant to mention the sex one has to actually pay for in some way, then I suppose FwB was excluded on purpose?”

This is something I’ve noticed about the manosphere…when talking about potential sexual relations the main ones consistently mentioned as that of the wife, the prostitute, and the mistress. A good deal of blogs deal with casual hookups or one-night stands, but as these are not relationships, they aren’t part of this post. Why are friend-with-benefits relationships so rarely spoken of? Are they that much harder to come by in general, or is there another reason?

Obviously, I am quite biased in my view of FwB as an awesome type of relationship. I’ve been “just friends” with my FwB for 8 years, and lovers for 7. Not an insignificant amount of time, if I do say so myself, but that could be due to the relative ease of the arrangement…and it is this easiness that makes me wonder why there’s so few people who talk about how great they are. Think about it:

1. FwB are pretty casual. There’s always the chance it could grow into something more, but the very nature of the relationship means that this is rare. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends with benefits…you’d be boy/girlfriends.

2. It lets you hang out with someone you truly enjoy being around and gives the added bonus of sex. Want to play videogames? Hey, that’s cool. Go on a camping trip? Awesome. Play some D&D, eat pizza, and roam the mall afterwards? Great. And if sex happens to occur? Well, now it’s a spectacular day because you had fun with a good friend and got laid too.

3. One of the biggest issues that people in committed relationships have to worry about is pregnancy that only one partner wants. Women have been known to lie about taking their birth control to attempt to force a man to marry them. Men have likewise been known to poke holes in condoms to get their partners pregnant to attempt to retain control over the woman. With a FwB arrangement it’s fairly safe to say that neither person wants an unplanned pregnancy to ruin their current lives. My own FwB had a vasectomy years before I met him, so there’s no risk for either of us there, and it is awesome to not need to worry about getting pregnant!

4. You can decide to be monogamous or polygamous. Most FwB relations I’ve known, mine included, are monogamous…we only have sex with each other. But although I’m not interested in having other partners, my lover knows that he can sleep with other women if he’d like, so long as he uses protection, obviously. That’s the great thing about FwB arrangements: no jealousy, no worries about commitment, no rules other than having safe sex (which should be done anyway), and nobody trying to control your life or dictate who you sleep with.

5. Equality. While you can certainly follow chivalrous/traditional conformities when in a FwB relationship, it’s not usually expected. Because you each have your own bills, rent/mortgage, job, college…in essence, your own lives…there’s no reason to assume your lover will pay your way for anything. It’s possible they will, of course; I happen to pay for 99% of the meals and entertainment in my arrangement because I have more disposable income. But this is far from the norm, and most FwB partners pay their own way or split costs the majority of the time. Hence, the “friend” part comes in quite handy for men and women who dislike traditional dating techniques where the man pays more.

6. It feels good knowing that the person you’re having sex with is into you as a friend too. You aren’t ever going to be just another lay to them, because your friendship is at the core of this relationship, and you like each other for your personality as well as the sex. Most likely, you were friends first and your attraction grew from there, to the point where you still enjoy the freedom that being friends gives, but you also admit your desire to pleasure each other on a consistent basis. Studies have shown that when FwB relationships *do* go back to just being friendships, that the majority of men *and* women say they harbor no bad feelings about the “breakup” and they have an even stronger friendship than before. What could be better than that, considering that most boy/girlfriend breakups involve some form of drama and heartache?

7. No need to search around for a casual sex partner…they’re already here. With a FwB, you can enjoy their company as a friend, confidant, companion, and easily initiate sex. Of course, there may be times when it’s not wanted by both friends (my lover has spurned me a few times due to headaches and sinus issues) but that happens in any relationship. But you generally don’t have to worry about the other person using sex to manipulate you into buying things for them or to control the relationship. The inherent casualness in a FwB arrangement means you are having sex simply because both of you want it…no strings attached.

Note that I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with marriage, hookups, or dating. Heck, I have very open views about prostitutes as well and think sex work should be legalized. But for the fact that friend with benefits arrangements have so much going for them, I feel they should be acknowledged and sought after much more than they currently are. What do you think, readers?

35 thoughts on “What About Friends With Benefits?

  1. The way you describe it makes it seem like there’s a blurry line between being FWB and being in a relationship. Because some of the things you mentioned sound to me like the hallmarks of being in a relationship, or at least how I myself would define as such: monogamy, someone who’s your friend as well as a lover, someone you can confide in, shares the same interests, etc. I thought FWB was just about sex and nothing more outside the bedroom? Obviously I wouldn’t know, but that’s the impression I’ve always had.

  2. What about categories like girlfriend and friend?
    I’m struck not only by the categories he includes and excludes, one of which is considered positive and two of which are considered negative by society, but how he manages to define them in even more negative ways.
    It’s a very negatively skewed way of seeing the world. He must be a very unhappy man.

  3. @UV

    The lines do get a little blurry, it’s true. Remember though, that monogamy in a FwB is completely optional for both partners, and that while most people are certainly “friends” with their significant other, they are hardly ever best friends. There’s lots of things you can discuss with your best friend that you can’t with your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse.

    FwB to me is about having all the good parts of a relationship without dealing with commitment issues, drama, jealousy, loss of freedom, etc.

  4. @BroadBlogs

    I was confused as to why girlfriend was missing, but this particular person probably doesn’t think of too many women as friends (though I could be wrong). I agree that it’s technically a negative way of viewing relationships with women, but you should remember that many men in this section of the internet have had poor experiences with women, or know men who have.

  5. I hope I can provide some clarification from someones who’s thinking is much more along the lines of Red Pill Pushers. While He talks about Wives Mistresses and prostitutes, my impression of these categories wasn’t “The legal contract of marriage” “Breaking the contract” and “The criminal activity of hiring a prostitute”
    Calling the first group “Wives” is much shorter and more understandable than calling them Socially approved traditional long term partners. This grouping does include wives and girl friends and some Friends with benefits.
    The second group, prostitutes, I didn’t understand as “Street walking Whores”. This group are women that treat sex as some sort of good or service to be traded in a financial transaction. The cost of sex with me is a dinner at a 5 star restaurant is still charging money for sex. Most casual sex and one night stands I would include in this group. All of my one night stands started with buying her some drinks. 3 drinks and a Ruben makes her a very inexpensive prostitute, but it’s still money for sex.
    Group three “mistresses” is an understandable title for Socially inappropriate non-traditional long term partners. This grouping can include mistresses, homosexual partners, some friends with benefits, polygamy and many other non-traditional types of relationships.
    If I was to write a post about types of women or types of relationships I would have many more than three categories, but RedPillPushers three categories make sense to me.

  6. @GNL

    Thanks for the clarifications. Had the owner of Red Pill Pushers seen fit to allow any of my comments through, this was one of the things I would’ve been interested in asking. *sigh*

    You bring up an interesting point though, namely that buying food/drinks for someone who is an actual or potential sexual partner can be seen as “paying for sex”. All in all, I believe this is what RPP was attempting to convey in their post…that as men are usually the ones to initiate the dating/mating dances, they are thus usually the ones who end up paying for all or most of the time spent out in public. So, in an very indirect way, they are paying for sex (and companionship, and the status of having a partner, etc).

    Kinda makes me wonder…does that mean my FwB is one of the above categories, since I pay for all our times out? It’s actually a pretty funny idea to me, as I pay to make life easier for him, not necessarily because I absolutely have to.

  7. Well, who says there has to be any of that in a relationship? And what things couldn’t you discuss with your significant other? I always thought of a significant other as someone who’s even closer to you than a best friend, and someone you can talk to about absolutely anything – including things you couldn’t even tell your best friend.

  8. @UV

    I don’t know about that…I’ve been told things by my friends that they swear they’d never tell their wives/girlfriends. Mostly things about sex, but also things they’re afraid of or are tired of doing. Besides, when you have a fight with your significant other, who do you vent to? Surely not them!

    The sad thing is, I don’t believe any type of relationship *has* to be that way. But the fact of the matter is that most *are*, for whatever reason. Then again, my FwB and I have only had 1 disagreement in the 8 years we’ve known each other, and after I took a walk to clear my head and recollect my thoughts, I came back…we talked it over…both felt better…and had sex. However, it doesn’t seem to be this easy for most relationships.

  9. @UV

    It’s possible, though they seem happy enough most of the time. There’s only 2 guys I’m friends with that I actually believe they have horrible wives…the rest just have typical family issues.

    Again, I may have been in a FwB arrangement for 7+ years, but even I understand that this is much easier than if finances, childcare, schools, etc were involved. Or, at least, I think it’s easier…I’ve no way to compare it myself.

  10. My advice is to not think about it to much. Trying to lump people into 3 groups leads to some gross over generalizations. While agreeing to have sex because you paid for it is an aspect of most relationships, it’s not the foundation of most relationships.
    Your relationship, like every other relationship, is much more nuanced and complex than an over generalization about paying for sex.

  11. @GNL

    Precisely…when one feels strongly enough to share parts of ones life with another, it can very rarely be classified as “simple”. Thanks for your input, as always. 🙂

  12. It would depend upon one’s religious views. Both Biblically and legally Sexual intercourse consummates a marriage hence joining together as one sexually has usually been restricted to those willing to take on the commitment of legally marrying their partner. Nor does FwB eliminate all risk for just as many cohabiting couples get divorces in spite of never having been legally married. Its no longer inconceivable that at some point in the near future a family court judge will rule FwB as a marriage – thus leaving the male partner holding the bag and the short end of the stick.

  13. @ Sophia
    Once upon a time it made sense for men to be expected to pay since as a rule most women didn’t work or make as much as much as men depending on their employment. Unfortunately now that women make the same or more then their male counterparts women have been extremely slow to embrace this reality and change the rules in regards to dating and romance.
    Unfortunately Red Pillers tend to see male/female sexual relationships in black and white just like the Traditionalists and feminists they oppose and are all to often just as intolerant of those who dare to disagree with them. Which is one of the reasons I’m becoming ever more hesitant to identify myself as an MHRA.

  14. @Da Poet

    Most FwB arrangements do not involve cohabitation…if you’re going so far as to live together and pay bills together you’re probably boy/girlfriend, not FwB. None of the people in FwB relationships that I know (or have read about) do this, myself included. Cohabiting is dangerous territory, and has the potential not only for the legal ramifications you speak of, but also destroys a lot of the laid back nature of FwB.

  15. @Da Poet

    You could always say you’re egalitarian, like I do. In my experience, mras don’t tend to mind this label but feminists get pissed off by it, which is strange to me.

    I dislike the usage of old fashioned niceties when they don’t make sense. Like if a man who makes $20,000 a year goes on a date with a woman who makes $60,000 a year, and despite knowing his income level, still expects him to pay? Yeah…no. The person with the highest salary should pay, even if it’s a first date.

    Or women who get to a door before a man does, then just stands there like a lump waiting for him to open it…but then doesn’t smile or say thanks when he does. I want to tell them that they shouldn’t expect common courtesy if they aren’t willing to give any themselves. Manners matter.

  16. @ Sophia
    I’m of the opinion that any intimate relationship with a female is dangerous territory in this day and age – simply because our society deliberately gives all of the rights, privileges, and advantages but none of the responsibilities to women. On the other hand our society deliberately assigns to men all of the responsibilities but none of the rights, privileges and advantages.
    Sadly with the way things are in this day and age there is no such thing as an equal intimate relationship between men and women. And as long as the balance of power remains in the hands of the female partner I will continue to advise men not to marry or engage in intimate relationships with women. Nor will I ever consider marriage or even FwB as an option as I plan on becoming a MGTOW if and when my current relationship comes to an end one way or another.

  17. @Da Poet

    While I find it saddening that you’d deny yourself physical intimacy as a MGTOW, I understand your reasons for doing so and hope that it would bring you happiness anyway. I don’t recall your age other than the fact you’re older than me, but perhaps things will get better in both of our lifetimes so you don’t have to do that.

  18. @ Sophia
    There is no need to feel sorry for me. 🙂
    When my father was fifty he told me that he did not want to raise any more children. My brothers were all grown up and on our own while the two children that came along with his third marriage were in their teens. he also told me that he couldn’t understand why his third ex wife had intentionally adopted two more infants while still trying to get back together with my dad even though she knew that he did not want to raise any more children.
    Eventually we learned that the children were hers and were fathered by the very same man she claimed to be having a platonic relationship with.
    I recently turned 55 and the way my father felt about raising more children is the exact same way I feel about becoming involved in an intimate relationship with a woman.
    To put it mildly I’m simply tired of he games the average woman likes to play and the utter lack of respect women indulge in towards men both as a gender and individually. Plus I have no desire to experience the problems and conflicts that come with blended families. Having already lived through them ever since I was nine years old since my father was married 3 times and my mother has been involved in ten relationships with nine different men.
    I don’t want to be alone either as I grow older but that is the price I’ll have to pay in order to avoid the HELL my life became at the age of nine in my latter years.

  19. @Da Poet

    I understand where you’re coming from a little. My father is in his third marriage (though he fathered 4 children that I know of…one out of wedlock, the other 3 of us per marriage). My mother has been married and divorced twice, she claims to be done with men similar to how many MGTOWs say they’re done with women. Can’t say I blame her given the track record she has…perhaps she’ll be happier alone, though I unfortunately doubt it. She’s not like me.

    If you truly don’t care for having a blended family, it’s a good thing to admit that upfront. The pain one goes through growing up knowing you’re an unwanted stepchild is terrible…better to not force yourself into such a relationship and spare everyone (yourself included) this hurt.

  20. @ Sophia
    Oh indeed I know all about the pain of being an unwanted stepchild – having been one myself more than once. And it is not a pain that I would ever force another child to endure – especially my own son.
    My parents were well aware of the pain and suffering the consequences of their self centered choices caused my brothers and I. And after experiencing all of that pain since the age of nine – how could I ever consider doing the same to my own son?
    LOL I have my writing – I am a poet after all – and a Kindle that allows me to carry the books I love to read wherever I go and a right hand. Now what more could I ask for? 🙂
    Now to brutally honest the real reason men and women divorce and remarry over and over again and by doing so force their innocent children to bare the brunt of the consequences of their self centered choices. Is because they are too much of a coward to face the pain and live with the consequences of their very own self centered choices.

  21. @ Sophia
    Just so you know I don’t like the average male any better than I do the average female and for the very same reasons.
    Above all I love peace and quiet something that cannot be enjoyed in the presence of others.

  22. @Da Poet

    I’m not entirely sure I agree with your analysis, but I do know that many single mothers (and the few single fathers) who date/remarry seem to almost take it for granted that the new spouse will want a stepchild. While I believe it’s fantastic when a man/woman is happy to adopt a child not their own, it should never be assumed that this is the case.

    If I were the marrying sort, I don’t know that I’d completely discount a single father, especially if the daughter or son is raised well. But then again, I am a strong proponent of adoption, so this may have something to do with it. I actually really like kids, especially toddlers and preteens, despite not wanting any of my own. I know I’ll be a great aunt when my younger siblings have kids. 🙂

  23. Oh, I don’t know…I find that I can enjoy still, small moments with my lover sometimes. Just being in a room reading together each with your own book, or taking a walk without the need for conversation, can make for good memories. The trick, I suppose, is to find someone whose mere presence brightens your day, such that words become unnecessary for pleasant feelings to occur.

  24. @ Sophia
    Both of my stepmothers were masters at deceiving my father even as they prosecuted a war against my brothers and I all the while making it look to our father that we were the one’s at fault.
    My first stepmother even went before a judge and lied in order to help my father gain custody of us boys. Only to leave my father shortly thereafter without any warning whatsoever and as she left she raided both the personal and business bank accounts. Which would have been a serious financial blow had my father not been taking in a lot of cash on a daily basis. Our second stepmother managed to make a virtual slave out of my youngest brother until he joined the Navy.
    I don’t make anywhere what my father made as a Chiropractor which makes me even more unwilling to risk what little I do have. And believe me the people – both men and women – that I associate with on a daily basis don’t impress me in the least – there is after all more to life then having to cater to a spoiled brat and defend myself from self centered predatory males.
    I’ve done what I set out to do: I’ve raised my son and am living my dream of being a writer by publishing my poems on my blog and I’m still married to the same woman after 32 plus years of a very exhausting and trying marriage. Now its time for me to sit back and enjoy the few years I have left enjoying the things I like doing. While stepping out of the way of the human herd intent on running over the edge of the cliff and plunging into the abyss. 🙂

  25. “as I plan on becoming a MGTOW if and when my current relationship comes to an end one way or another.”
    Oh! That’s a shame. It depends on your definition, of course, but I think the world just lost a little joy.
    Please don’t shut that door firmly, there’s no rush.
    You’d make a formidable team mate with the right guy.
    Just an opinion

  26. I read the article being responded to rather quickly, but I find that it’s more of the simplistic “I hatez them bitches” article. Honestly, I don’t have much time for that kind of thinking. While we all enjoy the comfort of an easy-to-understand set of categories and rules, reality isn’t like that. While I agree that any kind of live-in relationship is probably far too dangerous to engage in for a male, if one values his freedom and property, I have no issue with long-term non live-in relationships. Note that in order to have a mistress, one must have a wife, and while I have no issues with prostitution, that simply isn’t for me. Friends with benefits seems like an ideal situation for me based on the following criteria: the person is actually your friend; there is no expectation of monogamy, not because I intend to sleep around, but because sometimes one meets someone actually worth sleeping with; each individual is a self-responsible, self-governing, self-sustaining individual that associates by choice, rather than by obligation or habit.

  27. @Francis

    Yes, I think long-term, non live-in relations are probably best for men at this point. Friend with benefits too, but I’m quite biased on that point.

  28. “It is worth noting that these breakdowns assume the woman doesn’t really care for sex, or uses it simply as a tool to obtain material goods. They make no mention of women who enjoy sex just for it’s own sake…”
    Intellectually, I know such women exist. Experientially, I have yet to meet one.
    It’s my experience that sex is used to “buy” something from the other, be it a short-term visit or matrimony. Someday, women may be egalitarian about sex, but it won’t happen in my lifetime.

  29. Unfortunately, you are most likely right. I’ve never known any women IRL who didn’t admit to using sex as a tool of manipulation (in one form or another). I distinctly remember a discussion during my aunt’s bridal party where the topic of “why have sex” came up. I piped up saying sex is a way to show you love someone, but was informed by my elders that that just amounts to “giving it away”…even in the confines of marriage. I thought this was a gross way of viewing something with so much bonding potential.

    As a Pagan, I view sex as sacred. It is a gift given to us, and most other vertebrates, by the Lady and Her Consort. Just as They are united in Their love for each other, so too are we able to temporarily join with another person in the blessed form of sex. Through physical intimacy we can touch and experience a small piece of the Divine.
    In my mind, using sex as a tool for manipulation…or worse, punishment…is to commit sacrilege. It’s the closest thing to the Christian concept of sin (other than all-out murder) that I can think of.

  30. Very interesting and refreshing material I read here on your blog TS. I feel very much related to what you write and as a MGHOW and this sums up my thoughts/wants/desires for the future to come quit well.
    For the last couple of months I have been wanting the exact same thing you describe as having yourself, but in my experience most women respond in a negative/not interested way when I tell them about a FwB arrangement. Me as a free spirit, no desire for cohabitation/marriage/kids and why (marriage and kids is something I’ve always not wanted, just not for me.. and after my “red pill awareness” that was only amplified by a million) and only being open to an amazing FwB “relationship.” You get the usual “I want more…” or “so you only want sex” responses until I explain my views. In my experience, the chances of meeting a woman that’s not arrogant, entitled, self-centered and into pop culture, but has a sweet and cool personality with matching interests and life views (like yourself) is very small.
    As I’ve never been mainstream myself, a non-mainstream woman would be the best fit for me. But 95% out there are all alike, so the 5% pool isn’t so big. You sound like the perfect reference model for my future encounters, so thanks 😉 Now I know more accurately what to look for in a potential FwB.
    I’m a loner, musician and artist and need my own space and alone time and opposite to many other people, I love being on my own. So it’s a conscious choice for me. I would be absolutely miserable in a trad/serious relationship (as I’ve experienced and while you have no experience with that, you describe it very accurately, being “tied down” goes SO much against my free spirited nature. Not for me…).

  31. @Axis

    Thank you so much, both for taking the time to read and for the compliment. I appreciate either one.

    It’s rather strange, I must say…so many believe that MGTOWs are all highly misogynistic, uber traditional, and want their women “pregnant and barefoot”. Yet after speaking to all of you who have either responded to my MGTOW Survey or simply hang around to comment, I’ve found incredibly few of you who desire anything less than actual/real equality and fairness between men and women. It’s certainly not what I was expecting, but it is a wonderful surprise and I’m happy to know all of you.

    As for the women who decry FwB relations, I can only think they don’t quite understand what it truly entails. I can sympathize with wanting “more” even though it’s not for me, but FwB is hardly about just wanting sex…neither my lover or myself is a mere “booty call”. We attend conventions together, go to lunch/dinner, play videogames, read comic books, go for drives to new places, and just plain hang out. You know…the “friend” part of Friends with Benefits.

    There’s nothing wrong with having a “fuck buddy” or “just sex” person in one’s life, but I think these women are making false equivalents. If you believe it would help, point them over here/print out a post or two and educate them about what you actually want.

    I wish you luck on your search, Axis, and hope to hear from you again.

  32. Thanks for your reply TS, greatly appreciate it.
    MGTOW’s are kind of a mixed bag. You have some angry and bitter guys, but usually they are at the beginning stage of processing grief and trauma/disappointment (the 5 stages of grief). Some tradcons as well. I personally am allergic to traditional ways of living and 100% egalitarian, so not my cup of tea, baby 😉 No but seriously, there are some men GTOW because they believe it was so much better in “da good oll days” (NOT!) and highly critical of women who are promiscuous, have tattoo’s, etc. and I completely disagree with them. But open-minded guys like me are a minority, I realize that as well.
    A little background about what brought me to GMOW in a nutshell:
    As a young man in my twenties I’ve started relationships with women and while trying to do my best and doing everything “right” in about 95% of the time I was treated very poorly in return. From women trying to take advantage of me financially aka seeing me as a provider/resource/utility (in retrospect this all became clear for me, I didn’t see it at the time duo to my cinderella image of the girl that I was it and my innocence/naivety) to being treated poorly or being cheated on. Not because I was sexually boring, far from it (practicing BDSM and being very open-minded and very experimental and wanting her to enjoy to the max, etc.) but I usually was called being too “sweet.”
    But I’ve also come across really great women (about 5%). These women where very good to me and sweethearts, but they didn’t felt like “the one” to me or what I was looking for, so after some weeks I had to make the painful decision to end it.
    I’ve always stated that I’m not interested in marriage and children, I was just looking for a girl/woman with who I would have a strong connection, share interests, have fun and mind-blowing sex with (figurally speaking). However, finding myself in a world in where most women seem to look for a bad boy/provider/resource provider/status object and wanting commitment/marriage, kids, lots of material possessions and monogamy.
    Not my cup of tea… The world thinks very black and white, while I reside in the grey area. Most of the time it makes me feel like an englishman in new york.
    *Spetsnaz (youtube) makes great content about men’s experiences on these matters.
    After a lot of introspection, finding “red pill knowledge” (+1 year ago) and processing all of it, I got a more clear understanding of the world I was living in and my place in it. Who I am, what I want/don’t want and what actually is/feels right to me.
    After reading your posts about FwB and your personality/wants it resonated with me big time. But it’s not just the arrangement, it’s that both also don’t want “more” and that it isn’t “until someone better comes along” or “you’re not really my type, so let’s just keep it at being a FwB” (I googled FwB last night and ended up agitated by the complete misconceptions a lot of people seem to have about it. Again, a lot of black and white thinking, as usual).
    So being independent, happy single and living life for myself and on my own terms is the way to go for me. Focusing on my passion music, art, friends, travel, living by myself and having an awesome FwB sounds like music to my ears 😉
    I’m 34 right now and about 4 months ago I had a vasectomy, just to make sure no “ooops!” could ever interfere with my freedom and the road I choose to walk in this life. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself…
    It might sound strange, but your writing has given me more clarity on what I want/fits me, which gives me strength and leaves me with a brighter and sunnier view of the future to come. Thank you for that TS.
    I’ll be a dedicated reader (and commenter) from now on, you betcha! 😉

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