A manosphere site I just found out about a few weeks ago, Red Pill Pushers, has up an interesting (although not entirely accurate) breakdown of the three main sexual relationships a man can have with a woman. The author states there are;
Each one comes with some risk and some reward, according to the writer, which is true enough. If a man’s sexual relations had to be broken down to their core financial costs and nothing else, then these examples are fair assessments. (It is worth noting that these breakdowns assume the woman doesn’t really care for sex, or uses it simply as a tool to obtain material goods. They make no mention of women who enjoy sex just for it’s own sake, which I point out in my response.) In their own words;
“You have to pay all three of them, but wives are the biggest investment with no guarantee of return. She costs a house, access to your children, half of your assets present & future, and half your pension, with no promise of sexual satisfaction or respect in return.
A prostitute will charge whatever the market will bear; you just have to remember she’s an actress, don’t get emotionally involved.
A mistress….she might cost you everything. Reputation, respect, marriage, the whole nine. But she’ll be the most eager to please you. It’s the risk/return thing.”
I recommend reading the entire post, which can be found here: http://redpillpushers.wordpress.com/category/women-2/mistress-women/
My own response has not been allowed through moderation yet, despite it being made on April 22. Thus, I am posting it here as well, where conversation can actually take place. I said:
“You missed one category: Friend with Benefits. A lover who will play videogames with you, buy you food/snacks, get you gifts from time to time without expecting anything besides friendship in return, generally be into the same hobbies/movies,and enjoys initiating/having sex because it’s fun, pleasurable, and satisfying on a physical and mental level.
Of course, if this list is only meant to mention the sex one has to actually pay for in some way, then I suppose FwB was excluded on purpose?”
This is something I’ve noticed about the manosphere…when talking about potential sexual relations the main ones consistently mentioned as that of the wife, the prostitute, and the mistress. A good deal of blogs deal with casual hookups or one-night stands, but as these are not relationships, they aren’t part of this post. Why are friend-with-benefits relationships so rarely spoken of? Are they that much harder to come by in general, or is there another reason?
Obviously, I am quite biased in my view of FwB as an awesome type of relationship. I’ve been “just friends” with my FwB for 8 years, and lovers for 7. Not an insignificant amount of time, if I do say so myself, but that could be due to the relative ease of the arrangement…and it is this easiness that makes me wonder why there’s so few people who talk about how great they are. Think about it:
1. FwB are pretty casual. There’s always the chance it could grow into something more, but the very nature of the relationship means that this is rare. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends with benefits…you’d be boy/girlfriends.
2. It lets you hang out with someone you truly enjoy being around and gives the added bonus of sex. Want to play videogames? Hey, that’s cool. Go on a camping trip? Awesome. Play some D&D, eat pizza, and roam the mall afterwards? Great. And if sex happens to occur? Well, now it’s a spectacular day because you had fun with a good friend and got laid too.
3. One of the biggest issues that people in committed relationships have to worry about is pregnancy that only one partner wants. Women have been known to lie about taking their birth control to attempt to force a man to marry them. Men have likewise been known to poke holes in condoms to get their partners pregnant to attempt to retain control over the woman. With a FwB arrangement it’s fairly safe to say that neither person wants an unplanned pregnancy to ruin their current lives. My own FwB had a vasectomy years before I met him, so there’s no risk for either of us there, and it is awesome to not need to worry about getting pregnant!
4. You can decide to be monogamous or polygamous. Most FwB relations I’ve known, mine included, are monogamous…we only have sex with each other. But although I’m not interested in having other partners, my lover knows that he can sleep with other women if he’d like, so long as he uses protection, obviously. That’s the great thing about FwB arrangements: no jealousy, no worries about commitment, no rules other than having safe sex (which should be done anyway), and nobody trying to control your life or dictate who you sleep with.
5. Equality. While you can certainly follow chivalrous/traditional conformities when in a FwB relationship, it’s not usually expected. Because you each have your own bills, rent/mortgage, job, college…in essence, your own lives…there’s no reason to assume your lover will pay your way for anything. It’s possible they will, of course; I happen to pay for 99% of the meals and entertainment in my arrangement because I have more disposable income. But this is far from the norm, and most FwB partners pay their own way or split costs the majority of the time. Hence, the “friend” part comes in quite handy for men and women who dislike traditional dating techniques where the man pays more.
6. It feels good knowing that the person you’re having sex with is into you as a friend too. You aren’t ever going to be just another lay to them, because your friendship is at the core of this relationship, and you like each other for your personality as well as the sex. Most likely, you were friends first and your attraction grew from there, to the point where you still enjoy the freedom that being friends gives, but you also admit your desire to pleasure each other on a consistent basis. Studies have shown that when FwB relationships *do* go back to just being friendships, that the majority of men *and* women say they harbor no bad feelings about the “breakup” and they have an even stronger friendship than before. What could be better than that, considering that most boy/girlfriend breakups involve some form of drama and heartache?
7. No need to search around for a casual sex partner…they’re already here. With a FwB, you can enjoy their company as a friend, confidant, companion, and easily initiate sex. Of course, there may be times when it’s not wanted by both friends (my lover has spurned me a few times due to headaches and sinus issues) but that happens in any relationship. But you generally don’t have to worry about the other person using sex to manipulate you into buying things for them or to control the relationship. The inherent casualness in a FwB arrangement means you are having sex simply because both of you want it…no strings attached.
Note that I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with marriage, hookups, or dating. Heck, I have very open views about prostitutes as well and think sex work should be legalized. But for the fact that friend with benefits arrangements have so much going for them, I feel they should be acknowledged and sought after much more than they currently are. What do you think, readers?