Lately I’ve been reading a lot of posts, written by both men and women, that talk about what people look for in a mate. Now, obviously my definition of “mate” is more casual than most since I have only ever enjoyed a single FwB (although another potential FwB might be on the horizon…not naming any names since he’s a fellow blogger 😉 ).
The thing that struck me is that some of these lists of “qualifications” are frickin long...seriously, I don’t think NASA even asks for this much. Others are somewhat hypocritical, like women who say they are “strong and independent” but then write that they refuse to go dutch on dates, or guys who admit to being 80 lbs overweight but specify that potential girlfriends must be under a size 6. Seriously, people? Come on.
Anyway, I thought I’d do my own list of traits I would look for in a guy. They aren’t in any particular order, but they are all characteristics I think are good, and would fit with my own. And yes, my FwB has all of them, and no, I’ve never actually dated anyone without these because I let them go after the first date. Let’s take a look:
1. Good sense of humor.
I may have a strict comments policy here, and often talk about serious topics, but in the real world I am always making people laugh. Customers, friends, coworkers, the random dude in front of me at the supermarket…What can I say, I enjoy seeing people happy. The thing is, I can be PC with my jokes/puns (and I am in public), but when I’m not in mixed company, I become more like one of the guys. If the guy I were to date was easily offended or had no sense of humor, it would not work out.
2. Likes nature/animals.
I have always had lots of pets, of many different species, and so far have not met anything in the animal kingdom that scares me (besides other humans). If a date says he hates anything with fur, scales, or feathers…Sorry, bro. I also enjoy going for walks, hiking, climbing trees, and I miss camping like I did when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes crashing in front of the TV with a new RPG is the only way to relax at that moment…but I’d still like to go outside and gaze up at the constellations later that night. You can dislike crowds and clubs all you want, but I need my trees.
As I believe in open relationships, I would never tell a date that they can only hang out with/have sex with me. If they don’t want to go to the Reptile Expo with me, I don’t want a fake story about how their friend’s-cousin’s-uncle is in the hospital…just say you aren’t interested. My brain will not explode, I promise. Likewise, I’m not going to freak out if they let me know they found a hot lady who wants to sleep with them…it’s not as though I own their body. Of course, everyone must use adequate protection, but that should go without saying.
I can hear some of you groaning and rolling your eyes. Stop it.
Yes, I like nice guys. Let me explain:
I do not want a mate who is chivalrous, or thinks I’m a special snowflake, or treats me better than everyone else in their life. I do want a mate who is just an all around pleasant man, that allows his feelings to show, who helps elderly people with their bags, or stops to aid a dude who is struggling with an awkward box. Why? Because I already do this myself for random men and women very nearly every day…I would not want to be with anyone who basically says “fuck it” when it comes to assisting another human being. Trust me, it’d be an extremely short lived relationship. Narcissists and misanthropes need not apply here.
5. Understands personal hygiene.
This is a must. I don’t care much about looks, but any person who wants to potentially date or sex me has to be a clean one. I can understand and tolerate garlic or coffee breath if you had it recently, and if you’ve been working outside all day I don’t expect anyone to smell like a field of wildflowers. But stale sweat? Oily hair? Unchecked plaque? Dandruff everywhere? Nope, not going to happen. Hypothetical boyfriend-dude doesn’t have to look like Sean Connery as 007, or have the charisma of Erroll Flynn, but he does have to care about his hygiene.
6. Things I don’t budge on.
STDs = no.
Smoking = no.
Drug use = no.
Alcoholic = no.
Sexist/racist/ableist = no.
Super religious = no.
Abusive/controlling/hypocritical = no.
Well, that is pretty much it. That’s basically my list, and I don’t think I missed anything. Everyone has personality flaws, including me, and so long as you’re a decent human being, we can work through them together, or just accept them if they’re not harmful. Height doesn’t matter. Ethnicity doesn’t matter. Weight doesn’t matter unless it’s an actual health/hygiene issue. I don’t care how much or how little money guys make, mostly because I have my own job. I’d like him to know how to do things like drive and swim, but it’s not a prerequisite. Physical and mental disabilities/issues don’t scare me, so long as there’s full disclosure about what they are. I’d be happy if his libido matched mine and he took initiative some of the time, but it’s hardly a necessity. Penis size doesn’t matter either, but I’d prefer a small to average one over a porn star sized one…ouch!
What do you think? Did I neglect anything?