“WGTOW” Is A Misappropriation

Hello, all.
A number of readers took some minor offense to my last post, or were confused by it, with good reason. It seemed as though I was supporting the sudden rash of women who have taken to calling themselves WGTOWs, or women going their own way. I want to clear this misconception up right now:

I do not support the use of the phrase or it’s acronym, only the supposed ideology behind it. This may be seen as quibbling by some, in which case I would suggest you read the post written by my friend and fellow blogger, Francis.
https://francisdroy.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/women-going-their-own-way-no-way/

The Issue at Hand
As he stated in the comments of my last previous post;
“Being independent or being romantically unattached is incidental to do with the issue. The essence of MGTOW is the response of self-protection and care in the face of legal and cultural circumstance that are adverse to men’s freedom and well-being. Relationship status is a byproduct of not stepping into a potential danger-zone, not an identifying marker.”

If we go with this definition, and there certainly isn’t any reason not to, then it should be obvious to any reader that women misappropriating the already widely used terminology of MGTOW is not only highly flawed, but incredibly rude. It is a veritable slap in the face of the men who have reached their MGTOW status through hellish conditions like false harassment/rape accusations, cruel divorces, having the contact with their children severely limited, enduring abuse of any kind via a female family member or girlfriend, consistently being regarded as nothing more than a walking wallet, or simply being utterly worn down by the misandry present in our society. For women to simply come in, decide it’s a cool name and concept (even though it doesn’t apply to them), and being referring to themselves as such indicates a level of sophilism that is rarely seen.

Why Is a Label Needed?
At the same time, this is the only term in use, at least in the manosphere…the very area it truly shouldn’t be. My use of it yesterday was more an attempt to find a term that reflects a similar ideology for the female sex, preferably one that my readers would already be familiar with. But this is still wrong, as it once again builds off the backs of men. A new term is indeed required here.

Some commenters have already had the forethought to ask why. My answer: In the same way there’s a distinct difference between a man who makes a conscious choice to go his own way (MGTOW) and a man who simply doesn’t want to get married for whatever reason but has no ideology to back up his beliefs (a common bachelor), so too are there differences between females.

Now, there are other terms that have been used through the ages to describe single women, but the majority aren’t ones that are particularly flattering…”spinster” for example. Or “old maid”. These bring to mind an elderly or middle age woman that was not desired by anyone as a mate, or was perhaps too finicky in her standards (aka looking for a “perfect” man, rather than a good man). “Bachelorette” has been used in prior generations and moderately so today, but it is a very juvenile sounding term. Perhaps something a 20 year old college student would use to describe herself. As I noted in my “Types of Singlehood” post, those who claim to be happy alone but remain open to finding a spouse call themselves Quirkyalones. Unfortunately, the fact that they are still following the path of eventual matrimony despite the one-sidedness of the law disqualifies this from being a good replacement.

Such words don’t equate to a member of the female sex (not necessarily gender) who has her act together, has a good job, has a caring and pleasant personality, watches her finances, is moral and helpful, is in good shape physically/emotionally/mentally, etc…yet doesn’t require or even want male validation or crave societal acceptance. I’d argue that such a female is a perfect ally to MGTOW, simply because she sees men as people not wallets or providers, as she takes care of herself. The very fact that 99% of the manosphere absolutely believe that all of the female sex is constantly looking for a protector/provider/sperm-donor necessitates the creation of a term for those who want to clarify their position as Not That. This is why a word is needed, especially when discussing such topics as MGTOW, the MRM, equality between the sexes and genders, etc.

A Possible Solution
I’ve thought about this need a great deal, and have thrown around various possibilities in my mind. Some foreign words, pieces of phrases I’ve heard, reading post after post in the manosphere and beyond. Obviously this is still a work in progress, but I put forth this label for consideration –
Purposeful Loners.
It would describe members of the female sex who;

1. Are living satisfying lives without being in the confines of a marriage/fully committed relationship, and decided at a young age (under 25) that such relationships were unequal and therefore not for them.

2. Have a career path that they strive to excel at, and obtained via merit and long hours, not to fill a quota. Will first speak to any coworker about potential issues or miscommunications before involving the HR dept.

3. Are not mothers, as you can’t claim to be alone or free if a growing child depends on you for survival. This doesn’t require her to dislike children or view nurturing as “weak”, simply that she does not want any of her own and takes the appropriate steps to ensure that none result from her sexual deeds.

4. Has an above average grasp on her finances, and has little to no outstanding debt. Any that she does have is being steadily whittled away by her, rather than by government assistance/parents/lovers.

5. Is a moral person, with empathy for the plights of others, regardless of sex. She takes full responsibility for her words and actions, doesn’t blame others for her failures, and graciously accepts praise for her hard-earned accomplishments.

6. Reject society’s assertion that a female must be married or have children in order to be fulfilled. Likewise, she will speak out about attempts at shaming women (or men) who buck this trend.

7. Never uses her sex as a “pass”. She would do things like sign up for the Draft, politely decline to have men help her unless absolutely necessary, turn down sex-specific college grants or business loans, etc. Will call out women who use men in disingenuous ways, or who say sexist remarks about “all men”. If NAWALT, then NAMALT.

8. Has an internal locus of identity. She does not seek validation from men or other women, but from herself. Is constantly trying to increase her natural abilities and overcome/reduce her natural flaws because she wants to. Does not attempt to portray herself as anything more or less than she is at that moment.

9. Treats everyone, especially men and boys, precisely how she wishes to be treated. Is willing to listen to, aid, and comfort both women and men without making them feel lesser or weak.

This is what I’ve come up with so far. I’m sure there are things I’m missing though, so please put any recommendations or suggestions in the comments. Comments policy is in place, but otherwise feel free to say anything!

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33 thoughts on ““WGTOW” Is A Misappropriation

  1. Reblogged this on Spawny's Space and commented:
    The on going what is MGTOW? what can WGTOW be…if it can be? conversation.

    Tarn has explicitly told me that the comments should remain open here. You can comment there, here or both.

    Thanks Tarn.

  2. Wow, so WGTOW is a real thing? I thought your last article was just a hypothetical situation or something. I still don’t think the idea of simply being single because you like it or because it suits your lifestyle better needs its own label but at the same time I get what you mean. If WGTOW is already in use than creating a new and more specific label for women is probably a good idea.

    I know that you said your proposed label is a work in progress so I do want to come across as too critical but Purposeful Loners sounds kinda anti social to me and I don’t think the situation you described necessitates that women be loners, just that they avoid committed relationships and having children.

  3. Lol, don’t worry RP…I understood what you meant. And you absolutely do not sound overly critical. Like I said above, this is new territory. Ideas are going to be changed, discarded, accepted…it’s the way of things. I appreciate criticism when it is working toward a solution!

  4. “My answer: In the same way there’s a distinct difference between a man who makes a conscious choice to go his own way (MGTOW) and a man who simply doesn’t want to get married for whatever reason but has no ideology to back up his beliefs (a common bachelor), so too are there differences between females.”

    I see the difficulty that you’re running into. You are trying to describe something that already has a name, but since it is innocuous, is not descriptive. The term is adult. I might qualify that with the term competent.

    I do see why you’re looking for a term. We typically assume that women are in relationships, seeing as they come to them so easily. You are describing what the Feminists refer to as a strong and independent woman. You know, the term that every bubble-gum chewing chickie likes to toss about while being the inverse.

    I also see why you’re looking for a word. It seems, from my point of view that you are attempting to encapsulate certain key factors: deliberate singlehood, self-responsiblity, and competence.

    I’d like to add, that you don’t need an ideology for what you’re trying to describe. You are describing your own personal sense of ethics, your philosophy. There might not be a single term that does it all justice any more than mine would. For example, I take a certain degree of pleasure and pride in being frugal. What word would be required to encapsulate all of my disparate notions PLUS the notion of frugality?

    Maybe there just isn’t one word. Nonetheless, I’ll keep mulling it over and toss out any ideas that come to me.

  5. This is true, Francis. It’s sad that so few women actively seem to enjoy being competent adults…at least, in my neck of the woods. The way they talk about their plans, it still sounds as though they are going to/do rely on a guy to “man up” and propose. I can actually name girls I know who have all out stated…with no remorse or shame…that they absolutely expect their future husbands to pay off any debt they incur while single. Reminds me of that idiotic phrase “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine”. Whatever happened to “what’s mine is yours”?

    Re: using Strong & Independent
    I inwardly cringe anytime I hear this. Perhaps it actually meant something better in the past, but as of now this is nothing more than an automatic, prepared response whenever a woman needs to “prove” she is capable. It has lost all real definition.

    I think that just saying you are frugal would be enough, especially in conversations involving finance, monetary planning, savings and certificates, mortgages, or any other potential situation where such a term would come up. The issue is that the manosphere/men’s rights blogs are correct to be wary of or “hostile” towards the female sex. With the sheer amount of media talk regarding Where Have The Good Men Gone, Peter Pan males, rumblings of a bachelor tax, and the fact that significantly more women want to marry than men…It’s easy to see how anyone who even accidentally admits to being a female is immediately viewed with suspicion.

    A term that describes a female who has no interest in bringing the men back to the town…a neutral party or even potential ally, as it were…is probably only of use within the confines of these blogs and websites. You wouldn’t randomly speak of your frugality during a holiday party, just as I wouldn’t speak of my disdain for Marriage 2.0 or deliberate singlehood while helping a customer. Each term has a time and place, eh?

  6. Cultural appropriation has been fact of life for thousands of years. The Mens’ Movement itself is an appropriation of The Womens’ Movement. Big deal.

  7. I feel that having a label, prior to anyone questioning one’s lifestyle, simply legitimates the idea that women are somehow supposed to be in hetero relationships and are freaks if they aren’t in one. Women are simply living their lives. No label needed.

  8. Hey I just started following because im pretty sure we were hijacking another blog, but I also just farted and it smelled like warmed over death…so hi nice to meet you.

  9. Sounds more like a code of ethics than a specific type of person. But good luck with finding the label, if you need it. Deliberately unmarried and independent (DUI)? 🙂

  10. @Emma
    Ha! I love it. 😉

    Perhaps the list is too long. I suppose it could potentially be distilled into “eligible single female who refuses to marry due to the inequality modern marriage laws would force on the relationship”.

  11. @tiffany267
    Sorry, but I’m confused about what you’re saying. You don’t like labels “prior to anyone questioning ones lifestyle”? Can you go into detail on this more, or give an explanation? It sounds as though having a label to succinctly describe a portion of your life decisions is undesirable to you…

  12. @tiffany267
    “Sorry, but I’m confused about what you’re saying. You don’t like labels “prior to anyone questioning ones lifestyle”? ”

    I think she meant that if no one is inquiring what you are doing and why you are doing it, or conversely not doing, such as not getting married, then there’s no reason to explain anything to them. I agree with her, its just people living their life as they see fit.

  13. In everyday life/conversation, I would agree. However, this post doesn’t involve “real life”, it involves the manosphere and online discussion in general. This arena is full of people who frequently use shorthand, acronyms, and slang you don’t encounter in the real world. When there’s entire forums dedicated specifically to the concept of singlehood and marriage legalities, it is not odd at all to find a need for a word/phrase to describe a mindset or decision.

  14. WRT marriage I find most of my generation, under 35, is going their own way. At least in my social network the majority are not getting legally married but if anything are holding commitment ceremonies and handfastings in their backyards. There is no “til death do us part” that I’ve heard in any of their commitment affirmations. Its usually somewhere along the lines of “as long as our union serves our mutual and invidual evolution” something like that.

  15. There’s the occasional kerfuffle on MGTOW sites, about people or groups who some members are accusing of misappropriating the name or misrepresenting the philosophy and lifestyle. WGTOW? The term might have been bandied about once or twice on the board I help moderate, but there certainly isn’t any furore about it.

    Francis, I appreciate your proposed label – “Responsible Adult” – but may I submit that can apply to either sex and any gender?

  16. Hello, Beijaflor. How wonderful to hear from you!

    Yes, I only saw a single thread in regards to WGTOW on said forum. It came down fairly hard on “strong and independent” women…though with good reason, as this particular label has been subverted by women who are anything but. I don’t believe independence counts when you’re merely waiting for your chance to snag a man through marriage. In the same vein, you aren’t strong if you act the damsel in distress anytime you need heavy lifting done.

    Re: Francis’s proposal
    That’s the only issue I take with it.
    Who knows…perhaps I’m fighting a losing battle, attempting to think of a word for a type of female that is nearly mythical.

  17. Btw, I hope that none of my posts over at the forum came off as rude…I had been expecting them to remain unpublished, or read-and-edited by you or other moderators. Hopefully they were simply stuck in moderation because everyone was having too much fun during the days prior to and after Thanksgiving.

  18. Women began their “go your own way” movement with ultra feminism; when women began to prioritize self over husbands, children and family. For women it is careering and taking government transfer payments in lieu of commitment to a husband and family. For men it is alienation from society to varying degrees.

  19. @Luca
    I don’t see a problem with anyone choosing to have a career over having a family. The issue I see is when women are led to believe they can “have it all”…be a loving wife, a great mother, and a successful 40+ hour worker all at the same time. Sacrifices have to be made for a stable family life, so if a woman wants to be a careerist she needs to either marry a man who’s willing to be a househusband or remain childless. I’ve elected to do the latter, since marriage currently is an unequal institution and I’ve no desire to raise children of my own.

  20. WGTOW I think would describe you well, as you are independent and want to go your own way, children, society and marriage excluded. I been recently dabbling on whether or not I want to become a MGTOW. I do not want to be treated as just a disposable sperm bucket for someone who wishes me to get her pregnant just for the sake of the vanilla white picket fence children, religion, family, marriage, conformity to societal values. I don’t give a flying horseshit what society wants me to be or not be, I am my own person. If I do not find a woman who is suitable for wife material or long term relationship material in 5-10 years, then I might have to become a MGTOW. It’s sad to say, but I really do not see much else realistically speaking. Men are “expected” to be sexually virile past high school and college and be experienced a helluva lot at it. So my chances by 35 ten years by now will be relatively dry and thin, since I know of the harsh reality of society. Men who are virgins in adulthood are often more than not treated as either fanatically religious, man-children, basement dwellers, undesirable or cowards. That’s the harsh reality. I am as anti religious as you can get, I am sometimes timid, but I sure aint cowardly. My dad’s side was raised on a farm, so I am a bit of a country-fellow and a geek intermixed.

  21. @eoylus,

    You’re like me. Feel free to make your own choice. And in feeling free you’ve probably already made your choice to be a MGHOW

  22. And yes, Tarn is a WGHOW or a MGHOW. I think of “her” as a gay man of my own age. I only designate her with female pronouns because it’s the convention here.

  23. I think I stated this before, but the only reason I wish there was a “female version” of the mgtow label is to make my stance clear in a concise manner.

    Instead of me having to say, again and again to new people, “I reject social norms and expectations of marriage, pregnancy, childrearing, and necessary masculine dependence”, it’d be easier to do as men can and simply have a term to describe all that.

  24. @eoylus

    I’m pretty sure you’re a mgtow already. Just the fact you’ve decided that you are comfortable being yourself is a huge step in the right direction…not only for mgtow, but towards being a self actualized person.

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