A number of readers took some minor offense to my last post, or were confused by it, with good reason. It seemed as though I was supporting the sudden rash of women who have taken to calling themselves WGTOWs, or women going their own way. I want to clear this misconception up right now:
I do not support the use of the phrase or it’s acronym, only the supposed ideology behind it. This may be seen as quibbling by some, in which case I would suggest you read the post written by my friend and fellow blogger, Francis.
The Issue at Hand
As he stated in the comments of my last previous post;
“Being independent or being romantically unattached is incidental to do with the issue. The essence of MGTOW is the response of self-protection and care in the face of legal and cultural circumstance that are adverse to men’s freedom and well-being. Relationship status is a byproduct of not stepping into a potential danger-zone, not an identifying marker.”
If we go with this definition, and there certainly isn’t any reason not to, then it should be obvious to any reader that women misappropriating the already widely used terminology of MGTOW is not only highly flawed, but incredibly rude. It is a veritable slap in the face of the men who have reached their MGTOW status through hellish conditions like false harassment/rape accusations, cruel divorces, having the contact with their children severely limited, enduring abuse of any kind via a female family member or girlfriend, consistently being regarded as nothing more than a walking wallet, or simply being utterly worn down by the misandry present in our society. For women to simply come in, decide it’s a cool name and concept (even though it doesn’t apply to them), and being referring to themselves as such indicates a level of sophilism that is rarely seen.
Why Is a Label Needed?
At the same time, this is the only term in use, at least in the manosphere…the very area it truly shouldn’t be. My use of it yesterday was more an attempt to find a term that reflects a similar ideology for the female sex, preferably one that my readers would already be familiar with. But this is still wrong, as it once again builds off the backs of men. A new term is indeed required here.
Some commenters have already had the forethought to ask why. My answer: In the same way there’s a distinct difference between a man who makes a conscious choice to go his own way (MGTOW) and a man who simply doesn’t want to get married for whatever reason but has no ideology to back up his beliefs (a common bachelor), so too are there differences between females.
Now, there are other terms that have been used through the ages to describe single women, but the majority aren’t ones that are particularly flattering…”spinster” for example. Or “old maid”. These bring to mind an elderly or middle age woman that was not desired by anyone as a mate, or was perhaps too finicky in her standards (aka looking for a “perfect” man, rather than a good man). “Bachelorette” has been used in prior generations and moderately so today, but it is a very juvenile sounding term. Perhaps something a 20 year old college student would use to describe herself. As I noted in my “Types of Singlehood” post, those who claim to be happy alone but remain open to finding a spouse call themselves Quirkyalones. Unfortunately, the fact that they are still following the path of eventual matrimony despite the one-sidedness of the law disqualifies this from being a good replacement.
Such words don’t equate to a member of the female sex (not necessarily gender) who has her act together, has a good job, has a caring and pleasant personality, watches her finances, is moral and helpful, is in good shape physically/emotionally/mentally, etc…yet doesn’t require or even want male validation or crave societal acceptance. I’d argue that such a female is a perfect ally to MGTOW, simply because she sees men as people not wallets or providers, as she takes care of herself. The very fact that 99% of the manosphere absolutely believe that all of the female sex is constantly looking for a protector/provider/sperm-donor necessitates the creation of a term for those who want to clarify their position as Not That. This is why a word is needed, especially when discussing such topics as MGTOW, the MRM, equality between the sexes and genders, etc.
A Possible Solution
I’ve thought about this need a great deal, and have thrown around various possibilities in my mind. Some foreign words, pieces of phrases I’ve heard, reading post after post in the manosphere and beyond. Obviously this is still a work in progress, but I put forth this label for consideration –
It would describe members of the female sex who;
1. Are living satisfying lives without being in the confines of a marriage/fully committed relationship, and decided at a young age (under 25) that such relationships were unequal and therefore not for them.
2. Have a career path that they strive to excel at, and obtained via merit and long hours, not to fill a quota. Will first speak to any coworker about potential issues or miscommunications before involving the HR dept.
3. Are not mothers, as you can’t claim to be alone or free if a growing child depends on you for survival. This doesn’t require her to dislike children or view nurturing as “weak”, simply that she does not want any of her own and takes the appropriate steps to ensure that none result from her sexual deeds.
4. Has an above average grasp on her finances, and has little to no outstanding debt. Any that she does have is being steadily whittled away by her, rather than by government assistance/parents/lovers.
5. Is a moral person, with empathy for the plights of others, regardless of sex. She takes full responsibility for her words and actions, doesn’t blame others for her failures, and graciously accepts praise for her hard-earned accomplishments.
6. Reject society’s assertion that a female must be married or have children in order to be fulfilled. Likewise, she will speak out about attempts at shaming women (or men) who buck this trend.
7. Never uses her sex as a “pass”. She would do things like sign up for the Draft, politely decline to have men help her unless absolutely necessary, turn down sex-specific college grants or business loans, etc. Will call out women who use men in disingenuous ways, or who say sexist remarks about “all men”. If NAWALT, then NAMALT.
8. Has an internal locus of identity. She does not seek validation from men or other women, but from herself. Is constantly trying to increase her natural abilities and overcome/reduce her natural flaws because she wants to. Does not attempt to portray herself as anything more or less than she is at that moment.
9. Treats everyone, especially men and boys, precisely how she wishes to be treated. Is willing to listen to, aid, and comfort both women and men without making them feel lesser or weak.
This is what I’ve come up with so far. I’m sure there are things I’m missing though, so please put any recommendations or suggestions in the comments. Comments policy is in place, but otherwise feel free to say anything!