Over on goingyourownway.com, a truly fantastic mgtow forum that you really should check out, is a post by a gentleman who goes by SecularScientist. In it, he discusses two female students, their conversation, and a follow-up conversation involving all three of them.
If you are not offended by some harsh (but justified) language, I recommend reading his post directly: http://www.goingyourownway.com/mgtow-lounge-main-forum/discourse-female-student-tonight-3163
For those who don’t wish to visit the aforementioned forum, here’s the breakdown:
SecularScientist is a professor who was preparing for class while two female students (W1 and W2) spoke about the kitchen and bathroom renovations done to W1’s home by her husband. She revealed to W2 that it took him 3 months to accomplish due to him already working 2 jobs, thus he could only complete the project at night. W1 acknowledged that the results were beautiful though, and was considering rewarding her husband with sex for a job well done.
At this point, Secular drops his marker to remind them they have an audience. What follows is a conversation in which both women attempt to get Secular to admit “happy wife, happy life”, which he obviously disagrees with. Then they try to shame him, stating that it is “selfish” for him to have a nice car and 2 incomes without a woman to “share” it with. It’s also implied that he must be looking for a woman to wed, as W2 assures him that he’ll find one someday. Secular is having none of it, gives his students the briefest glimpse of mgtow, and departs to tell his department chair of their conversation to protect himself.
The discussion between the two women that SecularScientist describes is hardly unique. As I state in my own post “On Being An Unintentional Spy”, I’ve heard many women speak of their boyfriends or husbands in such ways. To many women, the relationship they have with the man in their life boils down to “what’s in it for me?”. Let’s take a look at some of the narcissism present in their words.
1. Men are utilities
Neither woman makes mention of how hard the man worked, or how he put his wife’s happiness before his own need to recuperate from his 2 jobs. In fact, W2 has the gall to ask W1 why the renovations “took so long”. It’s obvious that they see nothing wrong with having a man slave away at 2 jobs during the day and do manual labor at night.
2. Unwillingness to help
W1 off handedly says to W2 that she doesn’t know how to “do any of that stuff” in regards to the renovations. It doesn’t seem to have crossed her mind to have watched a YouTube video or read a book on home alterations. Heck, she could even have just learned from her husband and worked at his side. Yet, she does not. Instead, she reaps the asthetic benefits of his labors while doing nothing to aid him. Now, some might say I’m being too harsh on W1…perhaps they have small children who need to be cared for, or she also puts in long hours at work. My response would be that she could help with the project after the kids are asleep, and that I highly doubt she has two jobs as well. Even if she somehow does, there’s little reason he can stay awake long enough to put in hours on renovations and she can’t.
3. Sex as a reward
This is the most reprehensible of the issues at hand here, so I’ve saved it for last. The fact that W1 says “he might get some cookie (sex) this week” is bad enough. But to view sexual intimacy with your spouse as nothing more than positive reinforcement…that he may not even get…is absolutely deplorable. Sex is meant to be a shared experience of pleasure, closeness, and desire, not a bone one throws to a spouse who has done something that pleases you. Some would say that this is an an acceptable way of things, that sexual “access” is where a woman’s power lies. This is complete crap. If you have nothing to offer a partner but sex, you have a lot of growing to do as a human being. Others might say that she is under no obligation to share her body with him, regardless of what he does for her. This is also crap. Perhaps the argument works if both partners are asexual or have incredibly low libidos…but otherwise no. Why is it considered acceptable for a spouse to withhold physical intimacy from the other simply because they haven’t performed to expectations? Sex is not something a woman gives to a man. It is a mutual gift that they give to each other!
I’m sure I’ve missed other examples of selfishness and narcissism that were portrayed here, but my readers should get the jist. A relationship of any kind, be it marriage/FwB/dating/friendship, needs to have an aspect of give and take. If one half consistently does all the work in the relationship, it is sure to die. But if both parties make it a goal to please the other as best as possible, everyone wins and love will blossom eternally.
Take a look at your own relationships today. Are you treated fairly? Do you make the other person as happy as they make you? When was the last time you expressed thanks for what they do for you…and vice versa? Do you feel accepted and cherished, and do you take steps to ensure your companion is too? It can be easy to get caught up in the constant bustle and rush of modern life, but that doesn’t mean we should use this as an excuse to let our relationships decay around us.
By the way…
If you are a mgtow who is tired of the negativity that can surround going your own way, and just need a place to talk to other men who are actually interested in overcoming depression, anger, frustration, and sadness (all valid and legitimate emotions!) then http://www.goingyourownway.com is the site for you. The moderators there are awesome, and it’s one of the most helpful and brotherly mgtow communities I’ve ever seen. But don’t take my word for it…see for yourself! 🙂