Actually, Men *Do* Like Independent Women Part 2

Or at least a lot of them would, if truly independent women weren’t so rare. It’s easy to talk the talk of being a “strong, independent womyn” but when it comes to walking the walk many women stumble and fall. Most don’t even know they’re doing it, but then are at a complete loss in the world of relationships. Here’s 3 more things that actual “strong, independent women” do.

Continuation of my post here:

4. If you’re actually independent, you’ll have your own friends and hobbies.
This isn’t to say that you and the man in your life can’t share interests or have mutual acquaintances…in fact, having parts of your lives that aren’t wholly separate is great for keeping common ground. But there are still women who try to do everything their boyfriend/husband does, and that can get very annoying very quickly. If you like sewing, book clubs, and snorkeling there’s no reason to force yourself to learn engine repair or Asian cooking just because that’s what your man is into. Likewise, attempting to insert yourself into every outing between him and his friends is a major faux pas. It won’t seem like it to you, but your presence changes the entire dynamic of the group. Rather than a relaxing evening spent joking, drinking, and shooting the shit while doing a favorite activity, it’ll turn into an incredibly PC and boring couple of hours. You have times to talk openly and honestly with your friends…let him have the same.

5. Sex is a mutually desired and fun activity, never a reward or bargaining chip.
I’ve mentioned this topic before here, but it bears repeating: Sexual intimacy should not be considered positive reinforcement. The deliberate withholding of sex from one’s partner (whether male or female) for nonmedical reasons is a pretty trite thing to do. I’m not saying drop everything anytime your partner is horny and become a slave to their arousal…that’s just stupid and unrealistic. But don’t become a Spreadsheet Spouse either. Just respect the fact that sexuality is a healthy part of being alive, and enjoy sharing pleasure with your loved one. Even if you don’t have an orgasm every time, isn’t it enough to know that you’ve made your partner’s day a little better?

6. You’ll be more than happy to split any bills accumulated together.
Truly independent women have jobs that actually pay bills and hopefully result in some amount of savings. (Yes, I’m aware that the economy sucks for many people and not every man/woman can be independent to the extent they’d like to be.) But then why are there so many women…even self-identified feminists …who expect the guy to not only plan the entire date, but to pay for the entire thing as well? It’s no secret to previous readers that I pay for 99% of the meals/entertainment between my FwB and I, but this should hardly be something “special”. Nobody gets a cookie for acting like an adult, and it shouldn’t be considered a monumentus occasion to find a woman who will go dutch on the first date or (gasp!) pay for it all herself. After all, men are expected to, even if they bring home a smaller paycheck than the woman sitting across from them. Maybe every once in a while he’d like to be the one to sit back and enjoy a meal without needing to reach for his wallet at the end of it…

So, what do you think, readers?
Did this list encompass everything that a real “strong, independent woman” would do, or did something get skipped? What do you think of the list, and how many men here have met a woman like this in their dating life?

19 thoughts on “Actually, Men *Do* Like Independent Women Part 2

  1. I agree with number 4 and 6 🙂 Although I don’t understand how number 5 is related to being strong and independent. In my view, one might well be weak, dependent and anxious to please or strongly desiring intimacy with one’s partner (perhaps due to being so dependent). That kind of person might be annoying to be with, but they are not using sex as a reward…

    Oh, and feminists who like to be paid for are so funny. I remember one wrote that “until the wage gap is gone, he’ll be paying”. How convenient, lol.

  2. Thanks, Emma.

    #5 is a response to women who make their boyfriends/lovers/husbands jump through hoops to “deserve” her sexual attentions.

  3. Did you ever hear the saying: “No relationship is EXACTLY 50/50?”
    Sometimes it’s 60/40, or even 90/10.
    If you really love the person, they are your WHOLE WORLD!
    The reason people fail at relationships is because they believe it is the other person’s
    obligation to fulfill THEM. Two half’s DON’T make a whole.
    The more mature you are, the more mature your partner will be. If you can’t live
    without it, you can’t live with it.

  4. Im more concerned about attitude than most of this. Such as paying for the date. If i can afford it, i dont mind. If she demands it, she is clearly off my list.

    Having your own life is important. It is that independence that sets us free to love, ourselves, and eachother.

    Another thing that makes a srong, independent woman is one who knows not to try and change others. Criticism and control are the antithesis to support and love. The latter is necessary for any relationship to be healthy. The former, destroys, often slowly without warning.

    Ive met few truly independent women. An income alone makes nobody independent. Its the mind and attitude that brings strength.

  5. But there are few independent men as well. Blaming other’s for your plight is NOT
    a sign of independence.
    Like attracts like, for better or worse. “When two blind men lead each other they BOTH
    fall into a ditch.”
    Tarnished just happens to be one of the most insightful people I know.

  6. You have them all in spades!
    The Sun sign represents the mind. You have Sun in Gemini, (June 20).
    You excelled in school, which put you in a “protected class.” (Brains.)
    The Moon represents emotions. Your Moon was in Pisces, a warm, caring sympathetic
    sign, quite different from your mental Gemini sign. That’s why you are such a blend
    of head and heart.
    You were born under the full Moon. Signs in opposite sides of the chart are always
    under the full Moon. Thank Heaven, you turned out so well.
    But I DO have one question if it’s O.K.: How did you keep it together in the home
    enviorment? Did you compartamentalize? Where you able to shut the abuse out of
    your mind? To live under that roof, and know what was waiting to happen, most
    everyday. Many would have suffered breakdowns. To do great in school, and comeback
    into that enviorment. How did you do that? Also, do you know if any simular abuse
    happened do your siblings?

  7. No, my siblings didn’t go through any of what I did. It’s part of the reason I stayed home for as long as I did…so it wouldn’t happen to them.

    And I did indeed compartmentalize. Like many child sex abuse survivors, I had a “separate” part of me. “Her” name was Samantha, and “she” would take over during the abuse so I wouldn’t have to deal with it, then allow me to know of it later. When I moved out, “we” eventually reconciled back into just me. The mind is terrifyingly amazing in its ability to survive.

  8. Do I want a truly independant woman. No.
    Want isn’t the word I would use.
    Crave. Lust. Need.
    These words accurately reflect how I feel about a truly independant woman. The perfect counterpart to MGTOW.
    I crave stories, new and old, I crave adventure, and experience, and most of all, a sense of fucking humor.
    I lust after women who want me as badly as I want them.
    I need someone who is stable on their own, and has their own life so we can spend time apart, and return with new experiences.
    I refuse to be idle, I go crazy when I stew, I get frustrated with monotony, and if I don’t do something spontaneous/random/dorky, I get depressed.

  9. Call,

    And how successful have you been in finding one? Every once in a while I’ll read a comment about some lucky mgtow who has a woman in his life like this, but these accounts are few and far between.

  10. Tarnished: This might be goodbye. My 90 year old father is complaining of
    sever medical sympthems. He thinks he is soon to die, and may well be correct.
    If he should go, my life will be unstable for who knows how long. I may never be
    able to converse on a computer again. I knew my time would be short, which was why
    I was such a pest with my postings. I wanted to get them out while I could.
    I am in no mental or emotional condition to live a stable life, when I have no foundation
    to speak of. So, if this IS it, I would like to thank you for being such a tolorant and
    understanding person. A true asset to the human race. I expect wonderful things
    from you. If no one else says it, I will. You are loved VERY MUCH!

  11. Missattempts,

    Do not worry, friend. You weren’t a pest at all and I greatly appreciate your musings. If your father is to die, I hope it is peaceful. If this is a permanent goodbye then I pray your path becomes easier to tread.

    Should you ever need someone to lean on, I’ll be here to listen. Farewell and good luck, Lon.

  12. I met a woman that was completely independent, and we started as friends, it evolved into friends with benefits when tension built up.
    We simply reacted on instinct, and it was great. Neither of us changed in order to impress the other. I guess it doesn’t help that her and I are polyamorous, and that we see other people on the side.

  13. Ha! That sounds a lot like my FwB and I except we’re monogamous (though obviously we don’t have to be, that is simply how it’s worked out). People who accept you and don’t need you to change are the best.

  14. I wouldn’t like to think this is the last we hear from you Lon. We’ll look after Tarn in your absence! I hope things go well for you. All the best.

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