Wrong Body, Right Mind: Living with Gender Dysphoria

As promised, this is my follow up to my previous post “An Androgynous Woman”. I was going to discuss exactly what the difference is between actual Gender Dysphoria VS acknowledging that someone likes things/acts in ways that are stereotypically of the opposite sex. However, the uber-talented Meizac in all her awesomeness did this second part for me in her post (here)

Is it entirely possible to be a guy who likes the color pink, cooking fancy meals, and is a timid type of guy? Of course!

Is it equally possible to be a gal who enjoys watching football, is aggressive, and loves working on computer repairs? of course!

While the above examples are not what society (or many individuals, for that matter) would consider typical,

there are quite a few people like this. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with being “traditional” if that is what makes you happy. Should a woman truly want to be a stay-at-home mother and raise a large family, that’s perfectly fine. The same goes for a man who wants to be the main breadwinner for his family and enjoys proving himself at work. So long as these roles are what people feel the most comfortable in, who’s to say they are “wrong” to live in?

On the other hand…

Gender dysphoria is very different than the examples above. The upcoming DSM-5 proposes that teens and adults who have it experience 2 or more of the following:

1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics.

2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender.

3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.

4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

I experience #s 1, 4, 5 and 6. I’ve never felt #3, but during puberty I felt #2 nearly every day. It was only in the past few years that I’ve (mostly) gotten beyond it…though whenever someone tells me I’m “pretty”, “beautiful”, shapely”, or otherwise comments on my feminine body it makes me shrivel up inside.

Which I guess is the real difference between gender dysphoria and just being atypical in regards to gender roles. If you just don’t fit the stereotype, that doesn’t mean you want to change or be treated as the other sex. You may not be completely satisfied with how society is, but you’re content in your body. Not so for us.

It’s hard to explain, but I suppose an easy analogy is the idea of being in a play. You are meant to play Romeo…but when opening night comes, the director hands you the script for Juliet. You haven’t played this part before, you don’t know the lines, the costume doesn’t fit at all, and you feel no connection to this character whatsoever. You don’t understand what her motivations are, and the director can’t explain them in a way that makes any sense to you.

But there is no choice. You MUST play Juliet or else everyone will mock you, beat you up, and torment you for years. If you resist, or mess up your lines because they are so foreign to your way of thinking, problem solving or speaking, then you have many weird glances, shoves, stolen textbooks, harassment and insults from your peers to look forward to. It doesn’t matter that the role of Romeo is what you truly were born to play…only that you smile and pretend to enjoy being Juliet.

This is what it’s like every single day for someone like myself. Reactions are quite varied too.

“Just get over it”

“You know, you should accept who you really, truly are”

“Nobody actually feels that way”

“You’re such a freak”

“Why do you hate your own sex”

“Why are you being so difficult”

And my personal favorite:
“You should have sex more, so your partner can ‘remind’ you that you’re female”.

Except that while most of these people are trying to be helpful in their own way…they’re really not. What many don’t understand is that this is not a switch to turn on and off. It’s not a choice to feel more in tune with the opposite sex, or to have severe difficulties relating to and having friendships with your same one.

I have always felt like a male, and have never grown out of it.
I have always felt repulsed and horrified by the idea of getting pregnant.
I can’t NOT take the initiative in sex with my partner.
I will always be this way, and will live my life as best I can.
I am sorry if that makes others uncomfortable, but I’m not sorry for being me.

Comments, ideas, and questions are encouraged. Remember to keep it polite and open-minded, and if clarification is needed, don’t hesitate to ask for it!

55 thoughts on “Wrong Body, Right Mind: Living with Gender Dysphoria

  1. I will never understand people’s reactions to something like this anymore than I will ever understand people’s reactions to one’s sexuality (I know they’re not the same thing).

    You can no more *choose* to just accept that you were born into the wrong body than someone who is homosexual or heterosexual can *choose* to “just get over it” and be attracted to the sex they’re not attracted to.

    And time and time again, as with so many things in my own life, I can’t help but go back to it just being nobody’s business.

  2. I can relate that I too always felt repulsed by the thought of being pregnant and have always told people that. Interesting I’ve known other women who agreed while we were in our 20s and now in our 40s they still don’t have kids. So I agree with you that it’s not something you choose but how you were born — a breeding gene, or something that makes you come to such a serious conclusion at a young age. (Which is awesome actually because you don’t have that fear, “OMG, my clock is ticking!” I can’t wait for my clock to tick out!)

    When I was a child I always played with toy animals, not baby dolls. I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. It took me by surprise when I met my love at age 42 and decided to marry. But now being so insanely madly in love I still wouldn’t want to breed, although both me and my husband would make AMAZING parents. We’re the ones children always gravitate to at parties.

    So, yeah, I get it, and I love your honesty and putting it all out there for others to relate to and not feel alone. My best adult friends aren’t breeders either and all have amazing relationships. So it’s not like we’re missing anything 🙂

    What pisses me off, to no end, is when people tell me I look young and don’t have grey hair because I don’t have kids. Wrong. I look young and don’t have grey hair because I take care of myself.

  3. Exactly. And I don’t know why people are so hostile about those same issues. I’m not harming anyone or anything by feeling this way, just as gays and lesbians aren’t hurting others by loving the same sex. Sheeple simply like to pass unnecessary judgment, it would seem.

    Maybe they’re so afraid of upsetting the status quo that they think the only way to keep it is to squelch all differences?

  4. That is a little how I was like. I loved playing with my (male) friend’s Ninja Turtles, dinosaurs, fake bug collection and GI Joes. We climbed trees, rode bikes, got muddy whenever it rained, dug up “fossils” in our backyards, played touch football, and got so scratched up that my mom joked that she needed to buy stock in bandages.

    When I got to private school (Catholic), it was a gender shock. I *had* to wear a dress, blouse and stockings…even in the winter. The teachers didn’t like boys and girls to play together, so every recess I had to either read (which I normally did) or try to play “house”, hopscotch, jump rope or whatever with the girls. It never worked out, I was always too fast…too loud…too rough.

    Public school was another set of problems. I dressed like a boy as much as possible, was a High Honor Roll nerd, an Office Cadet, and only hung out with guys. Basically, I was like a piece of geek candy to bullies of both sexes. It didn’t help that I hit puberty before age 10…imagine having hips and breasts at 11!

    Even now I have trouble relating to women at parties or other get togethers. Online interaction is fine, or having “serious” discussions. But I can’t talk about periods…can’t talk about how “dumb” my partner acts…can’t talk about cramps…can’t understand what the point of gossip is. Other women act like they are delicate flowers, even the few real tomboys I used to know have grown out of it.

    I am very lucky to have good male friends who “get” me. We’re all geeks and nerds anyway, so we have to stick together.

  5. RE: My best adult friends aren’t breeders either and all have amazing relationships.

    I personally find the word “breeder” offensive. The proper word is parent and in spite of the fact that I’m both a “PARENT” and a “FATHER” I would never insist that those who do not want to become a “PARENT” become one.

    Every decision has its consequences both negative and positive and as far as I’m concerned we all have the freedom to chose so long as we are willing to live with the consequences.

  6. Sophia I have a question. In light of what you have written does engaging in sex with a man make you feel like you are engaging in homosexuality? I’m just curious. Please feel free to delete this if it makes you feel uncomfortable or you find it offensive. 🙂

  7. Precisely. Everyone should feel free to live their life as they wish, so long as it causes no harm to any others or themselves.

    I’m sure that no one meant to be offensive by using the word “breeder” though. It’s actually used quite a bit in conversation nowadays (at least where I’m from). It’s not considered a slur or insult, just a way to differentiate between adults who have/want kids and those who do not. However, since I know it upsets you I’ll be sure to not use it in my future posts.

  8. No, it’s not offensive at all. It is a good question when it comes to a topic like this.

    While I’ve only ever had a male partner (same FwB for 8+ years now), I do often find women to be attractive. I have a feeling that if I were born a man, I’d probably still have bisexual attractions.

    It’s more that I experience sex as men are reported to, rather than how most women describe. For example, I have an absurdly high sex drive, am almost always “on”, I enjoy watching porn far more than reading erotica, and am very visually stimulated. I initiate sex with my partner about 75% of the time, and we use positions where I’m usually on top. I also don’t think of anything else while *ahem* having fun. I don’t believe I could remember my chore list if I tried, much less add things to it! (I know that’s a stereotype, but it’s amazing how many women I personally know who admit to being preoccupied during sex.)

  9. It didn’t make me upset its just that I don’t think its the right word in regards to someone who is a parent. LOL We breed animals but raise children. 🙂 The first time I came across this term, a few years ago, was when I was reading the arguments in regards to the unfairness of how single people are taxed at a higher rate then those who have little tax deductions – er I mean children – I’d say a slip of the tongue but since I’m writing I’ll say a slip of the finger. 🙂 Back then I had the distinct impression that the term “breeder” was being applied as a derogatory term for parents who to me seemed to be held in contempt.

  10. Reblogged this on ASpoonfulofSuga and commented:
    Lately I have been fortunate to be able to consider the Blogger behind Tarnished Sophia blog one of my muses. Her thought provokings comments and post have really shed a lot of insight on things and given me the comfort and support to talk about what I normally wouldnt. Check out this really personal posting on Gender Dysphoria. I learned a lot and you will too. Make sure to subscribe to her blog

  11. I don’t know what more to add to what you have written or what I can say in a comment. It has always been my policy to extend kind words and amicable feelings to everyone regardless of race color gender sexual preference and you are no different.

    Bernays was very emphatic on the fact that there was a very real and percieved herd instinct in society and this is manipulated to produce in people very specific reactions: Actually to quote from his book on propaganda:

    The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. …In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons…who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind.

    I feel we all live and participate in society so we have to concede consciously (hopefully) or unconsciously some of our freedoms and ways of thinking to continue doing so. Posts likes these I feel do their part to educate all of us and to get us to think about the world that exist outside our own wants and desires. I think as a result there will be less knee jerk hostile responces to meeting someone who is different then the imaged social images we are fed of what constitutes normalcy.

    On a whole other side note that is totally unrelated perhaps. I think it was bukowski who expressed the sentiment that it seems nowadays at least that getting married and having children is something of an accomplishment. I think I have found it:

    You lose what individualism you have, if you have enough of course, you retain some of it, but most dont have enough, so they become watchers of game shows, y’know, things like that. Then you work the 8 hour job with almost a feeling of goodness, like you’re doing something, and you get married, like marriage is a victory and you have children like having children is a victory, but most things people do are a total grind, marriage, birth, children, it’s something they HAVE to do because they have nothing else to do. There is no glory in it, no esteem, no fire, their lives are flat and the earth is full of them. Sorry, but thats the way I see it. I could not accept the snail’s pace 8-5, Johnnie Carson, merry christmas, happy new year, to me it’s the sickest of all sick things.

    How I see it many of us living quite unhappy lives and we like to fool ourselves that we are conscious, that we are living to our full potential, but there is something quite lacking. Historically it has always I feel and I could just be mentally unsound, that its those of us who separate from the crowd and attempt to experience the full extent of our individuality that effectuate major changes that ripple across the expanses of time. With the population growing ever so high and resources and more importantly their effecient distribution being called into question I wonder a lot myself about having kids. i have heard many people complain about there being too many selfish arrogant, narcissistic , greedy sheeple type people around, as if these people just came out from nothingness, ex nihilo style. These people are a product of our society. I think a society of warlike, greedy people tend to celebrate belligerence and greed and of course beget people just like them. Looking at the news some days I’m not sure if we actually raise children or are for the moment breeding mass produced things that resemble children outwardly but are deficient in so many other ways

  12. Unbelievable….

    You know I really envy your sense of identity, your youth and your drive and lust for life, despite some of the things you have been through. I barely know who I am and what I want from one day to the next.

    Hang onto those things baby girl and don’t change. The next time you are questioned/criticised/challenged, just calmly stare that person out until they shut up. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. just BE. XX

  13. Thank you, MrMary. I always enjoy your comments when you bring in such good supporting evidence…that, and I just like reading them. 😉

    Oh yes, it is quite important to be able to work together as a society and community. What I fear though is that our species is becoming less of a “social” animal and more of a “herd” animal. It has dangerous implications, in my mind.

    There is something to be said for marriage (as a legal entity, I won’t comment on the spiritual form), or at least having children. It is a good way for our society to work, it ensures that spouses can have some protections like taxes, hospital visitation, etc. And of course offspring are required for the continuation of the species.

    But I do wonder how many of us do it because it’s expected. Because it’s a way to prove maturity or become a “real” adult. It’s all well and good to feel that having children or getting married is an accomplishment…in a way, it is one. My problem is when people act like they should get awards for doing so, everything from husbands bragging that they fathered 8 kids to bridezillas telling everyone how it’s “her day”. It’s like these pieces of our culture are becoming more and more fake all the time.

  14. Gossip is the WORST! I can’t relate to other women in that respect either. I just ended a long term friendship because this girl couldn’t be happy for me and how amazing my life is today. She wanted to keep revisiting the ugly past. I don’t know why women thrive on this shit, as they think it’s being “deep” and it’s not. To me, deep is aspiring to get to a better place.

  15. This post really helped to clarify your original post, I get it much more now 🙂 Yeah, you’ve really been handed a challenge that few people can relate to on an experiential level. But that doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t relate on a human level and trust what you say, believe your side of the story. In a way your position has enabled you to see how shallow and shitty people can be, moreso than most. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but it’s an eye opener!

    One or two people who know your situation and dig you just as you are is what everyone needs, but especially those who have an extra challenge on top of everything else!

    I think your blogging can help others who might be experiencing something similar. Thanks for sharing Sophia, it’s important stuff 🙂


  16. Sophia, the thing about this, is so much of it has this feel-good subjectivity to it. It is nearly identical to girls who want to use the guy bathroom. There was a news story I covered about this ( http://wp.me/p2YaVQ-8c) and I do NOT support letting girls/guys choose their bathroom. Sure we should probably have unisex bathrooms, but because ONE person decides they dont like their born-sex they cause issues for everyone else? That is completely wrong and I will defend that position.

    “6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).” This too is very subjective, like a girl who embraces Stoicism, isnt this a ‘typical reaction’ of a male to just take it?

  17. I’m sorry I can’t explain it better EK, but my feelings and experiences are what they are. I don’t mean you for it to sound so subjective, because it’s not. I am what I am, and I truly feel that I’m in the wrong body for my mind. It’s been this way since I was younger, even at age 5 I would make comments to my mother about “really being a boy”.

    I personally share your dislike of people using the opposite sex bathroom unless it’s an emergency. Unisex bathrooms would be far superior in my opinion, but that’s prudish America for you. I would never use a males only bathroom, or try to go into a “male safe space” because as much as it hurts to admit, I’m not PHYSICALLY a man.

    However, I would also not go into a “female safe space” or a “woman’s club” because I would feel extremely uncomfortable there. Truthfully, I would feel like I was invading a place not meant for me. So, I avoid even being around the few sex-specific places I know of…I don’t belong in either one.

  18. I can understand that. I am glad you admit the bathroom thing, people who have gender issues ENDLESSLY talk about how its ‘not fair’ to have to use the womans bathroom.
    I can sympathize with your issue on a personal level, but as stated (and you agree) I cannot in anyway support someone aggressive attack on ‘normal people’ because they have ‘normal bathrooms’.

  19. I think that if someone takes it so far as to take substantial hormones and have/be planning sex reassignment surgery, then everyone in their life probably believes them to be the opposite gender. If someone truly looks/talks/acts/dresses/dates like their chosen sex then it would raise many more questions if they used a differing bathroom. In a case like mine, it would be clearly evident that a physical woman was using a male bathroom, so I don’t unless it’s an absolute emergency because I don’t want to embarrass any men.

    Again, if we could just have more unisex/coed restrooms this problem would be moot. I pray that it happens within my lifetime.

  20. You are still doing your FWB to some guy right? I need to find a ‘guy in a girls body’, that’d be pretty nice…
    Just think, you are a prize to males!

  21. Didnt you ever hear the gay joke?
    “I could be gay if it wasnt for the sex…just sitting around with my friends watching football all day…etc etc”
    Except it WOULD be a girl.
    I am joking tongue in cheek, I hope you understand my dear Sophia.

  22. I followed your link through the Manboobz post and totally hear you! I am female and know I am feminine in many ways…but at the same time, I really love doing guy stuff and can’t really relate to most women. Lately I have just been identifying as agender and will go from there….anyway just wanted to say I enjoyed your post!

  23. Thanks for saving me some typing. What is it with weak people requiring everyone to validate their views by aligning with them? Live and let live. If you’re harming no one, what the hell does it matter how you act? or feel.

  24. Isn’t having the right sex chromosome enough? If you have a y chromosome you are male and if you have x chromosome you are female. There are some men with stronger feminine component and some women with stronger masculine component. Just life.

  25. That depends. “Enough” for what?
    Remember, XX and XY are how it *usually* turns out. There are differences like XXY, XYY, etc. There are also people who are genetic chimeras…fraternal twin eggs that have re-fused into a single person who is normal except for having 2 sets of DNA in their body.

    There are also concerns (that you have mentioned on your blog) about estrogen-like components in our environment that interfere with male fetuses. Likewise, female fetuses are extremely sensitive to androgens/testosterone while in the womb. An excess of either one of these hormones could alter the brains and/or bodies of infants, even though they have “normal” chromosomes.

    Genetics is fascinating to study, but it also shows just how much could go “wrong”.

  26. ” There are also people who are genetic chimeras…fraternal twin eggs that have re-fused into a single person who is normal except for having 2 sets of DNA in their body. ”

    Interesting. Assuming nothing going wrong or awry the x-chromosome makes a persona genetically female and the y-chromosome makes the person genetically male. However the artificial environment of modernity is seriously messing with our biology.

    But even assuming that we live in a natural environment the behaviour of the sexes resemble ying and yang. With the majority of the male population displaying stereotypical masculine behaviour and an minority of the male population displaying a more strongly feminine but still a more masculine behaviour set. And vice versa for the female population.

  27. I have a feeling this will always be true, unless something catastrophic happens. I’m of the Nature + Nurture camp, and believe that both genetics and environment/upbringing have an impact on one’s development.

    It’s important to remember that these are generalizations though, and if a male/female is happier and more satisfied in life being “opposite”, they should have the opportunity to do so.

  28. Thanks for the link. Your post clears things up a bit. Over at TS’s blog I didn’t realize you were talking about having a mental disorder. Over there my comments were more about masculine behavior and feminine behavior and gender roles. Actually having a gender disorder takes you outside that conversation. I haven’t really studied this type of disorder so I can’t really comment on it in any real depth.

    I am of the belief that sex is biological, but gender is a social construct based on biology. Persons with mental disorders (of any kind) tend to be outliers that are so far outside the norm that their behavior and thoughts are considered bizarre. In your case I would think that if people were more accepting of non-traditional behaviors pertaining to gender, your dysphoria would be much less severe. in other words, this particualr diorder is likely just as much a problem with society in general as it is with you personally. I agree with your statement “if a male/female is happier and more satisfied in life being “opposite”, they should have the opportunity to do so.”

    Different but not dangerous should be acceptable and should not necessarily be classified as a disorder.

  29. @TDOM

    Hello there.
    Thank you, it means a lot to me that you believe “different but not dangerous should not necessarily be classified as a disorder.” It would seem the medical community agreed, since the DSM 5 replaced “Gender Identity Disorder” with “Gender Dysphoria” and cleaned up the definition a bit.

    I personally agree with you that my dysphoria (and most likely others) would be far easier to manage were it not for how our society is set up. But there is misogyny and misandry…as well as benevolent sexism that everyone has to deal with.

    And don’t worry…you don’t have to be an expert (or even initially aware) of a “difference” to offer sympathy towards those who live with it. Once again, thank you, and stop back at any time you wish.

  30. Fellow person who thinks he at least has a gender dysmorphia… He has never gone to anyone about it and is kind of airheaded anyways. But I kind of exist in a weird bigender state because my father does not like surgery. I plan to live as a female until I have at least one biological child because I think I was born in this female body for a reason. On the other hand… Breasts make me feel fat, the monthly problems feel like a reoccuring horror movie and I feel much more disconnected to my body when I cannot be male.

    I do sometimes act the female when crossdressing or when people view me obviously as female despite me telling them no. Because I feel if they are going to judge me on those standards I can use them a little… Though I always feel a little dirty after them. But it is not a default state but more of a role. I am glad I am not alone even if I will always be my unique bit of strangeness. As a shy, quiet, bookworm male I am always going to be viewed female until I can break out of those habits.

  31. Just wanted to comment I’m not sure if it was feminist brainwashing, a confused personality disordered individual (who did cheat and lie), or truly gender dysphoria or maybe all three. But I liked a couple men that seemed really macho on the surface which I was attracted to. Then they changed and didn’t seem to like me. Like they were gay but in the closet or something. I mean I think they were attracted to the fact I had male hobbies and was logical and straightforward but that was due to intelligence not being masculine. Then when I showed my feminine side they ran. But, used projection saying I wasn’t feminine enough. For instance TMI I know but they wanted dominant rough sex and I’m submissive. Like girl dominant. I have no clue they will swear to kingdom come they like women and feminine stuff and yet they want intelligence dominance and other things male. Its like a cognitive dissonance and these aren’t stupid men. Unwise maybe. But it was so weird. I have no clue but reading some of your experiences just made whole new questions in my mind. Either way doesn’t matter cheaters are not good no matter the excuse. They did seem overly emotional in the irrational sense too but maybe that’s just their feminine side? Also claimed to get a long with women and hate men? Just rambling anyway.

  32. Wow, I’m sorry they put you through such an emotional wringer, Lurker. That sucks.

    It doesn’t sound like any gender identity disorder I’ve heard of…more like they wanted you to be a sub on the street, but a dom between the sheets. It’s unfair to expect someone to be 100% what you want, but it would appear they still need to learn that.

    Whatever they wanted, it wasn’t you, but perhaps that’s for the best?

  33. “I have always felt repulsed and horrified by the idea of getting pregnant.
    I can’t NOT take the initiative in sex with my partner.” Can’t say I find anything wrong with either of these! 😀

  34. @Virgin Male

    Thanks. A number of random conversations in my life thusfar has shown me that many people take issue with one or both of these though. :/

  35. Hello and well met ^^ A friend posted up “We Hunt Mammoths” on her Facebook page, which led me to their FAQ, which led me here; couldn’t be happier with how this worked out ^^ I have been struggling with a somewhat unrelated issue, in that part of me wants to try getting into politics and become president of the US, and the rest of me realizes that whatever I could accomplish would be like trying to bail out the Titanic with a hand-pail and I would have an easier time trying to buy an island and creating a new nation. Regardless of whichever way I finally resolve to go, I would want to do the best by whichever citizens I would be swearing duty to. And I want to swear duty to ALL of them, equally, not just some of them. I prescribe to the same idea of nature/nurture in that you are genetically predisposed to certain things, and then you are nurtured to like and hate other things by your family and society, and when these two things don’t mesh, it can cause immense heart ache for someone. So I believe that accepting individuals for who they are start when you’re little when you’re learning what is “right” and “wrong”.
    Because this is my viewpoint, I would like your opinion on something that I have been thinking hard about. Would your life have been different if, in grade school, you were taught “you are female because you have ovaries and a vagina, but you can choose to be a girl, boy, both or neither, whatever feels right to you.” and a definite line was drawn between sex and gender? Like, if you were taught as a child, “your sex is either male or female because of your anatomy” but that your gender is what you make it to be? Would it be offensive if the first question someone asks after or before your name is “Are you Female Woman or Female Man?” or “How do you identify?” so that the inquirer would know which pronoun to use? I know there are exceptions to the sex thing as chimeras and siamese twins that have both anatomies do exist in the world, and I guess they would be the only real candidates for the “Shemale” title people try to use (incorrectly in my opinion)~but, here, I’m rambling ^^;;; I feel that you and the people who read your posts could be an invaluable insight to this.
    As for myself, I identify as Female Woman~what US society calls normal. I need being creative (with EVERYTHING. No medium is unworthy of consideration) like air, food and water, and I’m married to someone who identifies as Male Man (which I can’t say without thinking of the postal service ^^;;; ) and I have a son whom I love. Even though I am a breeder (hehe, I find this funny XD) I have my bad days where I berate myself for deciding to have sex instead of just eating a pint of excellent ice cream, watching TV and not giving a damn (maybe my bad days are why I find the term breeder funny?). I usually feel worse after those days because “I’m supposed to feel this most amazing love for the perfect little person that grew in my tummy” and was evicted after 13 hours of labor. Half the time I think parenting is a trap (much like the military) that is glorified so much so that people will actually sign up for it for fear that if they knew the truth, no one would subject themselves to it (the other half of the time, my two year old isn’t terrorizing the cats or dumping all of our food into the carpet, and is actually fun to play with and very well behaved for his age and makes me want to try for a little girl) and it makes me appreciate the people who, like my mother, knew from day one that their purpose in life was to be a parent and that’s all they want out of life. While I wasn’t repulsed and horrified of pregnancy, I didn’t let anyone trick me into feeling guilt over the fact that the physicality of motherhood SUCKS and that if it was a disease instead of pregnancy I would have been in a hospital bed with a million doctors trying to figure out what was abnormal with me, not being forced to work and keep up with my usual workload and being told “to suck it up and deal” “it’s not that bad” and the constant congratulations felt really weird. ::clears throat:: We’ll put that soapbox away for now XD
    I’m glad you clarified the part of the unisex bathroom. I was wondering if that would be a better alternative, similar to how we used to have segregated bathrooms for black and whites, and now we don’t. Maybe with a privacy wall between the stalls and the urinals where the sinks can be. In a new culture, this would be a non-issue, but in the current US culture, I’m afraid there will have to be a major achievement in first male/female equality, and the ability to buck responsibility if you have enough money (to buy lawyers, pay bail, etc.) needs to be removed before large public unisex bathrooms will be the norm, if only because of the high likelihood that rape would end up happening (without persecution of the perpetrator). In the meantime, would the segregated bathrooms be better branded as “Male/Female” based on sex/body parts? The “immature” half of me giggles at the thought of putting dicks and ovaries on the wall instead of someone in pants vs. someone in a dress, and the rest of me knows how well that would fly in the religiously gripped culture that we’re in where pretty much everything “natural” is taboo.
    Anyways… Lots for you to read and respond to ^^;;; Sorry about that. Wasn’t initially planning on making it this long. Again, well met in our journeys ^^ (and seeing you have declared your religious belief to be Wiccan: Blessed Be!)

  36. Whew, lots of questions!

    Okay, here goes:

    1. Yes, I’d absolutely love it if society could get to the point where gender roles aren’t enforced on children due to their physical sex. If someone wants to embrace traditional gender roles, that is super awesome…but there should always be the option not to. I think if this was how things were, we would have far fewer trans folk putting themselves through surgeries that, unfortunately, many are less than fully pleased with. I myself will never have surgery, though I may begin taking testosterone when I’m a bit older. I was born female, and I think I should be happy to have a healthy, strong body…even if it isn’t the type I wanted.

    2. Being a “breeder” is not a bad accomplishment, it’s just not for everyone. I dislike how even today there’s this weird conflict between people who want kids thinking non-breeders are selfish and people who *don’t* want kids thinking breeders are always gloating about it.

    Geez, people. Give it a rest already!

    Oh, and I do not believe there’s anything wrong with wondering about other paths you could have taken. I admit that I sometimes daydream about finding a husband and having a home together…but that’s all they are, and I’d still never give up the single life I have now. So long as you still love your spouse and child, it’s acceptable to think about the what-ifs.

    3. Yes, I think unisex bathrooms are the way to go. Not only would their use necessitate more respect for men and women both, but it would show that our society moved beyond being so overtly squeamish about the human body. I’m not saying that we have to become a nudist colony, but it’d be nice to just accept that penises, testicles, and vulvas are just a part of daily life.

    Hope this answered all your questions!

  37. I think the only one that was left unanswered was “Would it be offensive if the first question someone asks after or before your name is “Are you Female Woman or Female Man?” or “How do you identify?” so that the inquirer would know which pronoun to use?”; I’m thinking of teaching my son this, despite what the societal norm is, and am sort of feeling the water for how much danger I may or may not be inadvertently putting him in…
    Though, I suppose I could ask, what would you do in my shoes? Become President of the US, or create a new nation that just incorporates equality into it’s constitution from the door? I suppose there is also that idea of being a rights’ activist and initializing change that way, but I’m undecided as to how much “saving” you can do with the US, hence my hesitation to become President in the first place…

  38. Tarn:

    “I myself will never have surgery, though I may begin taking testosterone when I’m a bit older.”

    I’m a bodybuilder. I love the lifestyle and my muscular body. Have you ever done any weight lifting or working out? I’m in the process of reading your entire blog and haven’t yet come across mention of this.

    I find you to be sincere and a person of integrity.

  39. Hi there, sniffer. Thanks.

    I started working out everyday on Dec 1st, but only to keep in shape and stay strong during the winter …nothing like an actual bodybuilder. My routine every morning:
    -100 sit ups
    -40 weighted leg lifts (12 lbs)
    -30 pushups
    -walk .5 mile or do 30min on stairclimber

    Then I have 2 hardboiled eggs and a fruit/vegetable drink (no meats…I’ve been an ovo-lacto vegetarian for 17 years) from my Nutribullet, and am off to work. Luckily I’m in retail and am on my feet all day…a desk job would likely mean a longer exercise regimen.

    I’m still a size 7 and haven’t lost any weight, but that’s probably to be expected since muscle weighs more than fat. I feel and look better though, which is what I was after, not weight loss. Physical strength and health is important to me.

  40. Hi, Joe!
    Thanks for the implied compliment. It’s much appreciated, and made me smile. Unfortunately, I don’t believe in marriage, but am happy you liked my posts. 🙂

  41. I more with Non-binary thinking then gender or other stuff.

    Everybody is different. You should just live!

    It’s like making a whole Wikipedia page/forums about paper towels!

    I think people sometimes overthink these stuff!

    And btw I’m not against gender transition nor support it! Who am I to say what other people are supposed to do. I just see a lot of posts about these kind of stuff!

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