Okay, this is probably going to be a very controversial post. I may get harsh comments or emails from various people who believe my view on this utterly wrong and possibly even sexist. Some readers may even wonder why I’d ever discuss such a loaded topic. But this is my blog, and as such is full of my beliefs already…might as well air this one out, too. Here goes, my opinion on the idea of Men Going Their Own Way:
I’m perfectly fine with it.
No, honestly. I am.
If a man feels that various traditions that are considered the norm in society (marriage, dating, having children, etc) can, and in some cases do, lead to frivolous divorce, lack of equal visitation/custody of children, strict gender roles, and general stress or unhappiness, then who am I to tell him he is wrong? Who is anyone? No one has the right to a relationship, after all. Of course, defining your personal value on whether or not you have a relationship is a bad idea in the first place, just like trying to define oneself by virginity/lack thereof.
I have actually known women who have lied about taking birth control to their partners. I have known women who were told by their divorce lawyers that all they had to do to guarantee 100% custody was say their husband/boyfriend was abusive. I have known women who have bluntly stated that they believe they are entitled to everything a man makes once they are in a relationship…but any money she makes belongs soley to her. Then of course there’s the girls I knew in high school and college, the ones that cried when their boyfriends so much as glanced at another female…insisted that he pay for every single outing, even if she made more than him…and would brag in the locker room about how they held off on any sex/intimacy until the guy in question bought the proper amount of jewelry to “prove his affection”.
I know not all women act this way. A good number, including me (technically) have our heads screwed on the right way and would never dream of treating the men in our lives in such a horrible manner. A number of my readers are women who, like myself, take pride in being an equal rather than acting like some prize to be won over.
The truly upsetting thing, however, is this: The vast majority of the manipulators and gold-diggers I mentioned above were incredibly adept at acting as though they were not like that…at least at first. Yes, some of these women eventually became known as the type who’d basically have sex only with guys who were loaded, but there were many that I knew throughout high school that simply went from boy to boy, and never got a poor reputation.
This is the danger that, in it’s purest form, the MGTOW mindset is meant to protect against…the women (no matter how few or numerous they are) who treat men as resources to be milked, rather than fellow human beings to share companionship with on balanced terms. I truly cannot fault anyone for simply saying that the single life* is better than throwing one’s heart into relationship after relationship, only to be burned each time. Neither can I condemn** those who have decided before even trying their hand at dating that marriage and long-term relationships were not for them.
After all, I am happily single with no desire for marriage, children, or anything more committed than the FwB relationship I’ve had for the last 7 or so years. It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to speak poorly of men who choose the same lifestyle as me, even if we have different reasons behind our decisions. Both men and women can get more joy out of singlehood than marriages or serial dating, especially if they’be given it much thought and and after careful introspection. If someone wants to truly go their own way, treasure their freedom, and live life on their terms…more power to them.
What about you, dear reader? What is your opinion on the MGTOW movement?
*Yes, I’m aware that some mgtows are married, but they are by and far the minority. My post deals with the majority, who forsake relations with women to varying degrees.
**I don’t condemn men who believe the deck is stacked against them and thus refuse to date, marry, have children, or allow society to place value/lack thereof on them in accordance with how well they can support a woman. I applaud their ability to make a difficult choice and stick to their guns. However, I do condemn needless misogynistic rantings, or blaming an entire sex for the way society is. I don’t condone it from feminists, and I don’t condone it from MRAs/MGTOWs. People are individuals, not some fantastical hivemind of ideologies.
Edited 4/24/14 To Add
Attention MGTOWs I currently have a survey asking for your input here. https://tarnishedsophia.wordpress.com/2014/04/24/mgtow-survey/
Edited 2/20/14 To Add
An email from a (presumed) reader was in my inbox today, basically saying that I had no right having an opinion on the MGTOW movement as it is all about men “not giving a damn what women think of them”. My response is this;
While a substantial part of MGTOW is the fact that a man has inherent value by himself, rather than what he could potentially provide to a family/wife/girlfriend…and yes, therefore not needing to give a damn about how society or individual women feel about this…that does not mean it’s wrong or bad for someone who is not technically a MGTOW to have an opinion on it. MRAs, PUAs, feminists, women, men, young adults and elderly citizens can (and do) have opinions on a multitude of topics. Though I cannot claim to truly be a MGTOW due to my physical sex, I am fully capable of having an opinion on said movement. It is that I also believe in living life for oneself, striving to become a better, more actualized man, not caring that society thinks I should settle down/marry/have children, and just generally agreeing that marriage as it currently stands is a piss poor arrangement.
I understand that some may not agree with my opinion, or the fact that I have one. But I will not apologize for having it, nor will I stop supporting men who have deemed this their way of life.
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